IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#demand #oil #gas #believe #exploitation #areas #outweigh
In recent years,
people
 around the world have been using fossil
power
 and still exploring new
areas
 to
support
 the demands. Personally, I insist that there are tremendous drawbacks
outweigh
Correct pronoun usage
that outweigh
show examples
 boons;
support
 will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: On the one hand, fossil
power
 supports stabilising
people
's lives. Over the centuries, individuals
employ
Wrong verb form
have employed
show examples
 oils and gas in tremendous parts of life
such
 as living, and
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. The old
areas
 are losing their natural
power
 and it is not adequate to
support
people
’s living;
in addition
, the old
power
 still is
an equipment
Remove the article
equipment
a piece of equipment
show examples
 to generate new sustainable
power
. Even
people
Correct word choice
though people
show examples
 develop new innovations to eliminate the
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 of fossil
power
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they still need to use the old systems in their industry.
For instance
, in the process of electric cars, mechanics are using the old
power
 to run the process.
Therefore
, they need to find new sources of
power
 to
support
 their lives.
On the other hand
, the reclamation for new sources of
power
 affects the environment and local
people
’s health. In the process of reclaiming spaces that are difficult to avoid deforestation. Tremendous plants and wild animals are losing the habitat, and resources of foods which leads to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of biodiversity.
Moreover
, these days, it is hard to find
areas
 that do not have
people
. If
power
 industries are located
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 resident
areas
, local citizens will be affected by pollutants in the kind of noise, and air–leading to health problems
such
 as stress or lung cancer. As I mentioned, there are tremendous boons from the scheme to find new sources of
power
.
However
, it is challenging to avoid large effects. Especially on the environment and local individual’s health.
Therefore
, I believe that there are disadvantages rather than advantages and the government should find ways to solve these problems.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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coherence
To improve clarity and coherence, pay careful attention to sentence structure and grammar. For example, the phrase 'old areas are losing their natural power' could be rephrased for clarity.
coherence
Improve the organization of your essay by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is logically connected to the essay's overall argument.
coherence
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the thesis statement presented in the introduction. This will help in maintaining a consistent argument throughout the essay.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The writer addresses both sides of the argument, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of exploiting remote areas for oil and gas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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