IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a debate over how individuals should choose the
job
Use synonyms
 with some saying they should select a
job
Use synonyms
 which they want and others arguing that they should be more realistic.In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 being realistic has some benefits, the
job
Use synonyms
 which they want still remains the most preferable as it could lead to greater happiness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, adolescents should pick their careers in a more realistic way. There are a lot of benefits reasons for
this
Linking Words
: first of all, young people who are worried about their future, choose a
job
Use synonyms
 whose salary can be higher and more stable
job
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if people are more realistic, they will not face the risk of unemployment and uncertain salaries, and they will be forced to take the government agency selection test.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
job
Use synonyms
 in which people choose a more realistic way is more helpful. On the one hand, when the young generation chooses the
job
Use synonyms
 which they love, they will interested in, productive, engaged and
also
Linking Words
 motivated.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are more likely to come up with creative ideas
as well as
Linking Words
 they will have a long-lasting
job
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if youth select a career which they want, they will live more happily and understand the meaning of life.
Thus
Linking Words
 for these reasons, a
job
Use synonyms
 which fulfills them plays a significant role in their life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a career which selected
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 realistic way could be essential for their life, youth should work
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 they love because they can live happily.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly outlines your position. Try to make it more direct to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph to enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate your points, especially in the argument for realistically choosing jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid phrases like 'they will be forced to take the government agency selection test.' This may seem overly negative and could be rephrased to maintain a more neutral tone.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and reinforces your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: