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Band 6.5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #jobs #future
There are two main approaches young
people
 take when choosing a
job
.One is a
job
 which they like. And second, they must choose a
career
 precisely and carefully.
Although
 a
job
 which they want could lead to greater happiness, choosing a
career
 strategically could help them avoid unemployment. On the one hand, when the young generation chooses a
job
 which they love, they will interested in, productive, engaged and
also
 motivated.
As a result
, they are more likely to come up with creative ideas
as well as
 they will have a long-lasting
job
.
For example
, if youth select a
career
 which they want, they will live more happily and understand the meaning of life.
Thus
 for these reasons, a
job
 which fulfills them plays a significant role in their life.
On the other hand
, adolescents should pick their careers in a more realistic way. There are a lot of benefits reasons for
this
: first of all, young
people
 who are worried about their future, choose a
job
 whose salary can be higher and more stable
job
.
Moreover
, if
people
 are more realistic, they will not face the risk of unemployment and uncertain salaries, and they will be forced to take the government agency selection test.
For example
, it is proved that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 who choose their jobs more wisely do not have unemployment problems in their lives.
Therefore
, a
job
 in which
people
 choose a more realistic way is more helpful. In conclusion,
while
 a
career
 which selected more realistic way could be essential for their life, in my opinion, youth should work which they love because they can live happily.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear and detailed introduction that outlines both views effectively.
task achievement
Explain your points with more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by linking paragraphs and sentences smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Spend a bit more time developing transitional sentences between paragraphs to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition by using varied vocabulary and expressions.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views as required by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to explain both perspectives and provided reasons for each.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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