Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Some
people
believe that it is beneficial for large
industries
and companies to move from urban
areas
to rural
areas
. I personally believe that the advantages of large
industries
moving from urban to rural
areas
outweigh the disadvantages because the urban
areas
are already polluted, and in the rural
areas
there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
less population. Most of the large
industries
are already situated in urban
areas
therefore
, the
pollution
rate
is very high. If
industries
and companies still stand in urban
areas
, the
pollution
level will be increased more.
As a result
, it will make the cities and towns more inappropriate for living.
Therefore
, if we want to minimize the
pollution
rate
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries
should be moved from urban to rural
areas
.
For example
, China has moved 70% of their
industries
to rural
areas
, which has diminished the air
pollution
rate
of cities
up
Change preposition
by up
show examples
to 50%.
Hence
, I believe that if
industries
can be moved, it will decrease the
pollution
level.
Furthermore
, if we can move all the
industries
to rural
areas
, there are fewer
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
in rural
areas
than
urban
Change preposition
in urban
show examples
areas
.
Therefore
, the
pollution
rate
will affect fewer population. Most importantly, there are some
vacate
Replace the word
vacant
show examples
areas
in rural
areas
, where
people
do not live. Those
areas
can be utilized for
industries
and companies.
For instance
, in
Bangaladesh
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
, most of the
industries
are situated in rural
areas
, which is a strategy to save
people
from
pollution
.
Therefore
, I think all
industries
should be moved from urban
areas
to rural
areas
.
To conclude
, if
industries
are situated in rural
areas
, fewer
people
will be affected by
pollution
. The advantages of moving
industries
from urban to rural
areas
will outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Your essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. You introduced the topic well, but your opinion and main points could be stated more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly connects to your thesis. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly framing your argument.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.

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