Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged
according to
social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values,
such
as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. It is true that nowadays,
people
with expensive cars and branded clothing are being respected. A person with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level of integrity, respectfulness, kindness and
trustworthy
Replace the word
trustworthiness
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not valued in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
generation. So, we will discuss why
people
with
money
and materialistic
things
are considered worthy.
Advent
Add an article
The advent
show examples
of technology and globalization
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
having
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
impact on
people
.
Consequently
,
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
major focus nowadays is to earn more and more
money
and to show your worth. It is because they
also
know they will be respected based on
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
of
money
you
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
. To illustrate, we can see there are so many big celebrities who earn crores and crores every year and they are capable of running
NGO
Correct article usage
an NGO
show examples
or doing charity or good deeds but rather than doing some kind
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
or charity, they spend their
money
buying luxury cars, expensive clothes, branded shoes etc. It is because they
also
know that
people
now will know
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
worth by looking
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
materialistic
things
rather than
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
kindness and charity.
People
who
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are rich
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of
money
on buying expensive
things
and setting up the bar
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so,
youth
Add an article
the youth
a youth
show examples
of today
also
is more
focusing
Replace the word
focused
show examples
on earning
money
, but the issue is that they are focusing
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
they are making
money
through legal ways or illegal ways. They choose
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
ways to earn
money
and break
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
.
For example
, In my neighbour a boy used to drive
truck
Correct article usage
a truck
show examples
and earn
money
but
then
this
friend bought a car worth
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7 lakhs. He
also
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
asking his parents to buy the same car for him, and when they refused, he tried to rob a house and was caught. So,
this
curiosity of making your worth is destroying
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
of many
youth
Change to a plural noun
youths
show examples
.
Overall
, It is true that your respect is decided based on your
money
and your materialistic
things
and
people
will only respect
if
Correct pronoun usage
you if
show examples
your
Change the pronoun
you
show examples
have
money
.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and consider revising for conciseness. For example, 'they also know' is used repetitively in close succession.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully to provide depth in your arguments. Include more specific examples or elaborate on the ones given.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to correct and varied sentence structures to avoid grammatical errors and enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively identified the core issue and presented a coherent argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your points, making your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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