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Band 3

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

#people #children #life #effects #society
The tendency to give birth later is a fact
that is
 increasingly common in society, especially in big cities which leads to many potential consequences. Many couples decide to have their baby later when they already have a stable job with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 income monthly and even
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a house and a car. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 simple reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 situation.
Firstly
, under
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
show examples
 of modern
life
, people have to cover
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of living costs,
then
 they hesitate to get
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
 right after getting married.
Secondly
, with a vibrant
life
 in
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 city, young people wish to enjoy
life
 rather than settle down a family with their children.
This
 decision will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society and family
life
 in some aspects. To start with, the proportion of young people of working age decreases
while
 that of the elderly increases, which is a burden for
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 young, as they have to pay for social security issues.
This
 is a very alarming situation, with rapid population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
,
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 shortage, and social security impacts.
This
 late marriage and childbearing have negative effects on the person themselves and on society. Research has shown that women who give birth after the age of 35 will have many health risks.
Also
, the health of the infant is adversely affected when their mother’s age is old.
Submitted by lahuyquan123 on

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of ideas to ensure each point flows smoothly into the next. Some sentences seem disconnected, which can confuse the reader about how one point relates to another.
coherence and cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more impactful. A strong conclusion should summarize the main points and reiterate the overall perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your argument. Providing real-life examples or statistics can make your points more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both reasons and effects of delayed childbirth, which is essential to a good task response.
task achievement
The essay has clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that the reader understands the main points being discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are supported with some specific reasons and explanations, which add depth to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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