IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘on big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

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As compared to the
last
 3 decades, more and more
people
 are buying cars
due to
 traffic jams is a big
problem
 in many parts of the world. I completely agree with
this
 statement and will discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
,
people
 purchase cars for their comfort, as they can travel wherever and whenever they want. If an individual has their personal transportation,
then
 they do not have to go to bus stops and wait for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hours for the bus.
Consequently
, it helps to avoid any delays,
due to
 the lack of bus services.
People
 can travel restfully in cars because of their comfortable seats which is the
problem
 in many buses.
Furthermore
, to avoid
this
problem
 the government should introduce a big budget for the transportation sector. In which they should consider the individual's needs.
Also
, buses and trains should
also
 operate at night and on weekends. So that, the public can travel any time of the day without thinking. The most important thing that the government should keep in mind is , it should be economical for all levels of society.
To conclude
, travelling in own vehicle is more convenient for
people
 nowadays. To decrease
this
problem
 the government should take steps concerning the aforementioned points.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay provides a logical structure, you could improve the transitions between paragraphs to make the flow even smoother. Try using more varied connectors and phrases to link your ideas.
task achievement
Your main points are clear, but they could benefit from more specific examples and details. Instead of general statements, try to include concrete situations or statistics to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, which makes it easy for the reader to understand the direction of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provide clear reasons for why people prefer cars and suggest practical government measures for improvement, which shows a complete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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