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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
The given graph shows information on the number of
participants
 for various
activities
 at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that film club had
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 the popular
activities
 throughout the period. Meanwhile, the amateur dramatic class which looked promising in the initial was actually declined
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. In terms of film club and performance
activities
, the number of
participants
 contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 film club
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood at around 65
people
 in 2000, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
saw
a stable contributors
Correct the article-noun agreement
stable contributors
a stable contributor
show examples
 for the next two decades.
In contrast
, amateur dramatics activity was engaged
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
good start with
gathered
Wrong verb form
gathering
show examples
 about 26
people
 and it slightly rose to just below 30
people
 in 2005.
However
, it
then
 experienced a significant decrease to just around 5
people
at the end
 of the period.
On the other hand
, musical performance, starting the class later in 2005 with no
participants
, had
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
 moderately to
teached
Correct your spelling
reach
 at exactly 10
people
 in 2010 and it increased slightly to 15 contributors in 2020. Regarding martial arts and table tennis, in 2000, both had around 36 and 15
participants
, respectively.
While
 martial arts
were saw
Change the verb form
saw
show examples
a steady contributors
Correct the article-noun agreement
steady contributors
a steady contributor
show examples
 in two decades, table tennis slightly decreased in 2010 to precisely 20
people
. It
then
 experienced a spike
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 in the
last
 decade, peaked at just above 50
people
, and made it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second-popular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 at
Meulbourne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 in 2020.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, activities, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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