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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
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The given graph shows information on the number of
participants
Use synonyms
 for various
activities
Use synonyms
 at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that film club had
became
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become
show examples
 the popular
activities
Use synonyms
 throughout the period. Meanwhile, the amateur dramatic class which looked promising in the initial was actually declined
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. In terms of film club and performance
activities
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, the number of
participants
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 contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 film club
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stood at around 65
people
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 in 2000, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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saw
a stable contributors
Correct the article-noun agreement
stable contributors
a stable contributor
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 for the next two decades.
In contrast
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics activity was engaged
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
good start with
gathered
Wrong verb form
gathering
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 about 26
people
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 and it slightly rose to just below 30
people
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 in 2005.
However
Linking Words
, it
then
Linking Words
 experienced a significant decrease to just around 5
people
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, musical performance, starting the class later in 2005 with no
participants
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, had
growth
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grown
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 moderately to
teached
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reach
 at exactly 10
people
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 in 2010 and it increased slightly to 15 contributors in 2020. Regarding martial arts and table tennis, in 2000, both had around 36 and 15
participants
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, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 martial arts
were saw
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saw
show examples
a steady contributors
Correct the article-noun agreement
steady contributors
a steady contributor
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 in two decades, table tennis slightly decreased in 2010 to precisely 20
people
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. It
then
Linking Words
 experienced a spike
demand
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in demand
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 decade, peaked at just above 50
people
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, and made it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second-popular
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activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 at
Meulbourne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 in 2020.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, activities, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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