IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie charts provide information about the percentage of
sales
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in the online shop for retail parts in Canada over a five-year period.
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, At the beginning of the period, Electronics and Appliance contributed the highest segment to the online
sales
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for retail sectors ,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 video games
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject games. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the smallest part. In comparison,
at the end
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of the period, Electronics and Appliance became the largest retail sector was made by and the lowest contribution was home furnishings. In 2005, the Video games sector accounted for 18% of online
sales
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and experienced a more than one-fold increase in 2010. Food and beverage was 22% in 2005 and grew significantly to 32% in 2010. In 2005, Electronics and Appliance made up 35% of online
sales
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and showed decreasing moderately by 5% in 2010.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Home Furnishings was 25% in 2005, but it went down slightly by 10% in 2010.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accounted for
  • notable decrease
  • significant increase
  • steady growth
  • modest increase
  • sharp decline
  • percentage of online sales
  • retail sectors
  • pie charts
  • comparison
  • over the five-year period
  • largest share
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