IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

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The
shortness
Replace the word
shortage
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 of clean drinking
water
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 supply in our current world now,
is tend
Change the verb form
tends
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 to increase year by year.
This
Linking Words
 issue is extremely important
due to
Linking Words
 the key part, that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
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 in human health in general
.in
Correct your spelling
In
this
Linking Words
 essay I am going to discuss the issues of lacking fresh
water
Use synonyms
 and what can be done to solve
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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. Poor access to clean
water
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 can
causses
Correct your spelling
cause
causes
 severe hug health
problem
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problems
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to
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for
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 the human
body
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 .
people
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 who
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
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 reach to good clean
water
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 supply can have enormous
life threatening
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life-threatening
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situation
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situations
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.
such
Linking Words
 as, the total
absent
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absence
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 of minerals that can be found naturally in
water
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 is very crucial to the
brain to
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brain's
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 function.
moreover
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 , all
body
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 organs need
water
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 to work and do all the vital
activity
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activities
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 that the human
body
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 needs to survive .
in addition
Linking Words
 , as a
results
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result
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 of desperate
to
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for
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 some
individual
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individuals
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 will consume any kind of
water
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 even if it is undrinkable or unclean .
Hence
Linking Words
 , that will lead to the possibility of having germs and bacteria in the human
body
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 .
for
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example
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example,
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 when the Sudan civil war started ,some
water
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 wells
was
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were
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 destroyed and
people
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forced
Add a missing verb
were forced
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 to drink from the dirty local river . And that leads to
hug
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huge
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outbreak
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outbreaks
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 of
disease
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diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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 malaria . There are some steps that the government and
people
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 in charge can take to reduce the effect of lacking clean fresh
water
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.
firstly
Linking Words
, drilling wells across the country can be very helpful .
secondly
Linking Words
 , building dams to
saves
Wrong verb form
save
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 and collect
rains
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rain
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water
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
Finally
finally
Linking Words
 , counters
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are located near
by
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apply
show examples
big seas or rivers can
purified
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purify
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 the
water
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 and
turning
Wrong verb form
turn
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 it
to
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into
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 usable one .
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Saudi Arabia is an excellent example of building dams in the south of the country and turning the
red
Capitalize word
Red
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 Sea
water
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to
Change preposition
into
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drinkable
Correct article usage
a drinkable
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 one . In conclusion , the clean
water
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 supply
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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 is essential
to
Change preposition
for
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 any community to survive and
thrives
Correct subject-verb agreement
thrive
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. it is
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 challenging issue but can be overcome when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
people
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 work together to maintain and preserve
water
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your thoughts logically. The essay can benefit from a clearer structure and better paragraphing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. You tend to speak in general terms, making your argument less convincing.
language use
Improve your sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are unclear due to grammatical errors, affecting the readability of your essay.
task response
You have provided a relevant response to the task by addressing both problems caused by the lack of clean water and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that summarizes the key points of your essay effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • water scarcity
  • irrigation
  • contaminated
  • waterborne diseases
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • pandemics
  • economic downturn
  • social unrest
  • food security
  • resource management
  • conservation efforts
  • sustainable
  • desalination
  • rainwater harvesting
What to do next:
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