IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree with this statement? Are there any other ways to encourageemployees to work more efficiently?

#employees #salaries #encourageemployees #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most of the
complanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 are always trying to look for
a better and more efficient ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better and more efficient way
better and more efficient ways
show examples
 to reward their staff. Some employers think
this
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent idea to
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
 work productivity and
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
employees
.
While
 increasing salaries can be an effective way to motivate
employees
, it's not the only or always the best method. In my opinion,
motavition
Correct your spelling
motivation
 is a complex issue that
involes
Correct your spelling
involves
mant
Correct your spelling
many
 factors, and
employees
 are often driven by more than just financial rewards. First of all, money is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important issue that
concern
Change the verb form
concerns
show examples
 how an individual chooses his employment and his career.
In other words
, the financial stability offered by a job stimulates people to complete their duties faster and achieve the company’s targets.
However
, that might not be a long-term method to encourage
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
.
On the other hand
, remuneration is not the only method to achieve company prosperity and it should be accompanied by other practices.
That is
 to say, employers should try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other ways to make their
employees
 motivated. One clear example is offering clear paths for promotion and personal development motivates
employees
 to invest more effort into their work.
Also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
empowering
employees
 to make decisions and giving them ownership of projects can foster a sense of
responsibity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and motivate them to perform better.
While
 salary increases can certainly incentivize some
employees
, other methods
such
 as fostering a supportive and growth-oriented workplace are often equally important to maintaining long-term motivation and efficiency.
Submitted by carolwan18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Ensure you use correct verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, use 'is' instead of 'are' in 'The best way to motivate employees is...'.
language
Avoid spelling mistakes by proofreading or using spell-check tools. Words like 'excellent', 'motivation', and 'many' were misspelled.
task achievement
Be more specific and detailed when giving examples and explanations. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a consistent and logical structure throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and smoothly transitions to the next.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a complete structure.
task achievement
The topic is addressed with relevant points about salary and other methods of motivation.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: