In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out of work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence.
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There is an ongoing debate
around
Change preposition
in
the
society about Correct article usage
apply
both
Correct word choice
whether both
parents
should do their job
to gain additional Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
income
. Meanwhile, some of them argue that children
will not receive enough support
if both
parents
go out of work
.
On the one
hand, both
parents
choose to go out of work
together because they think they can fulfill
all necessities better than only Change the spelling
fulfil
one
of them work
. Wrong verb form
working
It
is because dual Correct pronoun usage
This
income
can be good
Correct article usage
a good
options
to Fix the agreement mistake
option
support
each other if one
of them is not able to work
. In other words
, they can share their burden as breadwinners to reduce their risk in
not having a regular Change preposition
of
income
.
On the other hand
, despite the family can get
additional Wrong verb form
getting
income
, the children
will receive negative impacts from this
issue because they cannot obtain enough support
as their parents
do not have enough time to accompany them. This
will affect the children
competencies Change noun form
children's
due to
lack
of socialisation among family members. Correct article usage
a lack
This
case is usually found in metropolitan cities where both
parents
are busy because of their work
while
their children
, especially in
toddlers, cannot speak fluently because they do not have enough time to speak with their Change preposition
apply
parents
.
In conclusion, having working parents
will have both
advantages and disadvantages as they can support
each other to fulfill
their necessities but Change the spelling
fulfil
also
can affect their children
development and personalities, Change noun form
children's
such
as bad behaviour or slow progress of their competencies. I strongly agree with
only Change preposition
that
one
of parents
should go out of Add an article
the parents
work
and the other should accompany their children
to have a balance between work
and life.Submitted by bhaswarawira on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the topic, but more specific examples or evidence could make your arguments stronger. Try to provide concrete illustrations or data.
task achievement
While your ideas are mostly clear, there are a few areas where the language could be made more precise. For example, 'both parents should do their job' could be rephrased as 'both parents need to work.'
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay could be improved. For instance, some sentences need clearer links to previous points. Using more transitional phrases would help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and logically transitions to the next. This will aid in the cohesiveness of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting both views.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion provides a clear summary of your argument and takes a definitive stance, which is good.
supported main points
You've successfully outlined advantages and disadvantages of both parents working, showing balanced reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.