IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

All people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same amount of vacation in a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #company #amount #vacation #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s workplace, some argue that all
employees
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally and given the same amount of
vacation
Use synonyms
 time annually.
While
Linking Words
 equality in treatment is important, I believe that
vacation
Use synonyms
 allotments should vary based on factors like job responsibility and seniority, rather than applying a uniform policy for all.
Firstly
Linking Words
, different roles in a company have varying levels of stress and responsibility, which should be reflected in
vacation
Use synonyms
 policies. Senior
employees
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as managers and executives, often face more pressure and make critical decisions that impact the entire organization. These roles may require additional
vacation
Use synonyms
 time to help them recharge and remain productive.
For instance
Linking Words
, executives in large corporations frequently receive more
vacation
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 to recover from the demands of their jobs, which ultimately benefits both the individual and the company.
In contrast
Linking Words
, entry-level
employees
Use synonyms
, with less responsibility, do not require as much leave.
Additionally
Linking Words
, long-serving
employees
Use synonyms
 who have shown loyalty to the company deserve to be rewarded with extra
vacation
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 not only serves as recognition but
also
Linking Words
 motivates staff to remain with the organization.
For example
Linking Words
, many firms implement a tiered system where
vacation
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 increase after five or ten years of service, encouraging loyalty and performance.
However
Linking Words
, a minimum
vacation
Use synonyms
 policy should be applied to all
employees
Use synonyms
 to ensure fairness and avoid resentment. Countries like Sweden ensure a baseline of paid
vacation
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 for all workers, promoting work-life balance. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 fairness is key, a uniform
vacation
Use synonyms
 policy overlooks the varying demands of different roles. A balanced system, where
vacation
Use synonyms
 time increases with seniority and job demands, is more just and effective.
Submitted by vishank.chauhan19504 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to include a more balanced discussion by also exploring why some people might argue in favor of equal vacation time for all employees.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a transitional sentence/linking words between the paragraphs for even smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points.
task response
The arguments are well-supported with specific examples and logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, making each point clear and easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: