IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
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There is no denying the fact that
appearance
Use synonyms
 is most important to both genders.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that some
company’s
Change the noun form
companies
company
show examples
 believe that their employees should dress appropriately, there is
also
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 an argument that others
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think the quality of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 is more valuable than
appearance
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, it is crucial to show
neat
Replace the word
neatness
show examples
 and elegant in your
work
Use synonyms
 ,
as well as
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 your look
reflect
Change the verb form
reflects
show examples
 your personality.
In other words
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, plenty of organisations
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
care about your
appearance
Use synonyms
 especially when you
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clients and important people.
In addition
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, there are many institutions
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strict regulations
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
appearance
Use synonyms
 and they determine
how
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 you wearing depends on your schedule.
For example
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, if you are going to
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 a new job , first they will notice
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
appearance
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 resume.
On the other hand
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,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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company they
Replace the word
companies
show examples
 care more about the quality of your
work
Use synonyms
. It is
also
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 possible to say that your efforts and passion are essential rather
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 how
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 or
your
Correct pronoun usage
what you
show examples
Replace the word
wear
show examples
wearing
Replace the word
wear
show examples
.
Moreover
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, with new developments and rapid growth , they are concentrated on
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
 tasks and skills.
For instance
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, plenty of organisations have in their contracts
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 about employees
such
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 as,
evaluate
Wrong verb form
evaluating
show examples
 your
work
Use synonyms
 and how to handle these tasks. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
appearance
Use synonyms
 and value quality of
work
Use synonyms
 are significant factors for every
organisations
Change to a singular noun
organisation
show examples
.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is well-structured by dividing it into clear, distinct paragraphs (introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion). This will improve readability.
task achievement
Work on expanding your range of vocabulary and making sure the grammar and sentence structure are varied to enhance your ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and details to support your arguments, as this will add depth to your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both perspectives on the topic, which shows a fair approach to the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion, creating a good structure for the essay.
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