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Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
Current
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Currently
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 time,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of people argue that the young generation should know the distinction between good and bad
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
This
 essay
is agree
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agrees
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 that some kinds of
punishments
 should allowed by
trustee
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trustees
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 and I am going to
ensure
Verb problem
provide
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 several explanations and examples for
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, those
punishments
 make kids more intellectual and capable
for
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of
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 the things that surround them. It means that throughout all these penalties,
children
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 more practice, and they can be useful not only for their parents, but
also
 for the whole world.
However
, kids must not get any physical
and
Correct word choice
or
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 mental
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 from the
punishments
, because they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to share their own opinions and make a great contribution to the world
due to
 traumas.
For instance
, Chinese babies have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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faced many difficulties since they were born,
thus
 most
of
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apply
show examples
genius and
talent
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talented
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 teenagers
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be noticed
from
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in
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 China.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 good example
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 Ding Liren
who is
Verb problem
,
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 a Chinese chess grandmaster
and
Correct word choice
apply
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he
Correct pronoun usage
who
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create
Wrong verb form
created
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 new methods of winning chess which forced
to
Correct pronoun usage
him to
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 change the rules of
this
 game.
Furthermore
,
children
 who experienced plenty of penalties have a strong mental health.
Children
’s early years are critical in shaping their character and
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. During
this
 period, they begin to develop a sense of morality, empathy, and social responsibility. Without a clear understanding of acceptable
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
children
 may struggle to join
into
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apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
, by teaching them via
punishments
 parents navigate them to the true side of the world and kids become more adaptable
for
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to
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 the environment.
For example
, a young child pushes another child to get a toy, and if nobody
tell
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tells
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 them why that
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 is wrong, the child might continue to act selfishly or aggressively, believing that force is an acceptable way to get what they want In conclusion, summing up these arguments, explanations and examples, I
am completely agree
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completely agree
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 that
children
 should know the correct and incorrect
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
a
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 young age. Since they directly influence
on
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apply
show examples
our future.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one point to the next. Use transition words to help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to present ideas in a clearer, more concise manner. Make sure each sentence adds value to your argument and helps build your case.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, focus on providing more specific, relevant examples that directly support your main points. It will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are comprehensively explained. Avoid vague statements and aim to provide detailed explanations that clearly illustrate your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear premise for the essay and outlines what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
You finished with a conclusion that summarizes the main arguments and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of Chinese children and the chess grandmaster.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
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