IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Current
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Currently
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 time,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of people argue that the young generation should know the distinction between good and bad
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
This
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 essay
is agree
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agrees
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 that some kinds of
punishments
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 should allowed by
trustee
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trustees
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 and I am going to
ensure
Verb problem
provide
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 several explanations and examples for
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, those
punishments
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 make kids more intellectual and capable
for
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of
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 the things that surround them. It means that throughout all these penalties,
children
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 more practice, and they can be useful not only for their parents, but
also
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 for the whole world.
However
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, kids must not get any physical
and
Correct word choice
or
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 mental
damages
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damage
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 from the
punishments
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, because they will not
able
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be able
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 to share their own opinions and make a great contribution to the world
due to
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 traumas.
For instance
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, Chinese babies have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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faced many difficulties since they were born,
thus
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 most
of
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apply
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genius and
talent
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talented
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 teenagers
could
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can
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 be noticed
from
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in
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 China.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 good example
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 Ding Liren
who is
Verb problem
,
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 a Chinese chess grandmaster
and
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apply
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he
Correct pronoun usage
who
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create
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created
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 new methods of winning chess which forced
to
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him to
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 change the rules of
this
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 game.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 who experienced plenty of penalties have a strong mental health.
Children
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’s early years are critical in shaping their character and
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. During
this
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 period, they begin to develop a sense of morality, empathy, and social responsibility. Without a clear understanding of acceptable
Use synonyms
behavior
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behaviour
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,
children
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 may struggle to join
into
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apply
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society.
Therefore
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, by teaching them via
punishments
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 parents navigate them to the true side of the world and kids become more adaptable
for
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to
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 the environment.
For example
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, a young child pushes another child to get a toy, and if nobody
tell
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tells
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 them why that
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is wrong, the child might continue to act selfishly or aggressively, believing that force is an acceptable way to get what they want In conclusion, summing up these arguments, explanations and examples, I
am completely agree
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completely agree
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 that
children
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 should know the correct and incorrect
behaviors
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behaviours
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in
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at
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their
Change the word
a
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 young age. Since they directly influence
on
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apply
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our future.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one point to the next. Use transition words to help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to present ideas in a clearer, more concise manner. Make sure each sentence adds value to your argument and helps build your case.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, focus on providing more specific, relevant examples that directly support your main points. It will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are comprehensively explained. Avoid vague statements and aim to provide detailed explanations that clearly illustrate your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear premise for the essay and outlines what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
You finished with a conclusion that summarizes the main arguments and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of Chinese children and the chess grandmaster.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
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