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Band 5

With growing population in cities, more and more people lives in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #lives #homes #space #development
Most of the
people
 who are in
megacity
Fix the agreement mistake
megacities
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lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in an
apartament
Correct your spelling
apartment
 with no space outside. Even is it better to live in
small
Add an article
a small
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place
 or
nor
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 is a common topic of discussion
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 There are definitely positive and negative aspects to having a small
place
 to be considered. On the one hand, there is no doubt whatsoever that the most important benefit of having a small
place
 to live in is that
afordability
Correct your spelling
affordability
. It is a well-known fact that houses in urban areas are more expensive
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because the property prices are high.
Therefore
, it
is usually be
Change the verb form
is usually
show examples
 low maintenance which is suitable for
people
 with
low paid
Add a hyphen
low-paid
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 jobs. Another
advantages
Replace the adjective
advantage
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 of living in an apartment is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the convenience they will enjoy
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
This
 means that many apartments are located in central areas, providing easy access to
transpotation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and malls.
This
 is highly beneficial for
people
 who work most of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 day.
However
,
on the other hand
, there is a definite drawback to living in an apartment
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the limited space. It is often observed that most of the apartments have only two bedrooms and one living room, which is no
place
 to study or work.
This
 can have a really negative impact on their privacy, sharing walls with
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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 can provide noise and less quality of sleep.
This
 is clearly very detrimental for
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who
likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
show examples
 privacy and have light
sleeper
Fix the agreement mistake
sleepers
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. In conclusion,
although
 there are convincing arguments on both sides, I personally feel that the advantages of having a small
place
 to live outweigh the disadvantages because it's suitable for
people
's budget and near
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything they need.
Submitted by imaharzm on

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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical mistakes such as 'afordability' (affordability) and 'transpotation' (transportation).
coherence
Improve the use of connectors and linking words to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, words like 'Moreover,' 'For example,' 'Additionally,' etc., could be useful.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, real-life examples or statistics can strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a good overview and summary of the essay's main points.
balance
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, making it relatively easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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