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Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as the main source of income. unfortunately tourism can also be a source of problems if not managed properly. do you think the benefits of tourism outweigh its disdvantages

#places #world #tourism #source #income #disdvantages
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It is true that many countries around the world have only
tourism
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 as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial
source
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 of income, and it is a common topic of discussion. There are definitely positive and negative aspects to relying on
one
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source
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for
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of
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 revenue to be considered.   On the
one
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 hand, there is no doubt whatsoever that the most important benefit of relying on
one
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source
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for
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of
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 revenue like
tourism
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 is that economic boost. It is a well-known fact that
tourism
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 creates various jobs for local people,
such
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 as in businesses like accommodation, food, or activities.
Therefore
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, most of the work opportunities are only seasonal;
however
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, the salary is often higher than for traditional jobs.
This
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 means that there are many businesses established to sell their products
for
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to
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 tourists; they do not care much for local people.  
However
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,
on the other hand
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, there are several drawbacks to having
tourism
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 as a primary
source
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 of income, and
one
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 of them is the environmental damage. It can often be observed that high tourist footfall leads to air pollution and light pollution
due to
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 overcrowding.
This
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 can have a negative impact on residents by affecting the quality of their lives.   In conclusion,
although
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 there are convincing arguments on both sides, I personally feel that the advantages of using
tourism
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 as the primary
source
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 of income for state budgets outweigh the disadvantages because of the potential effects on societies.
Submitted by imaharzm on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, presenting both benefits and disadvantages of tourism. However, more specific examples and statistical data would further strengthen the argument and illustrate the points better.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, you may consider using more linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a strong, clear introduction and concludes with a balanced and well-rounded conclusion, reflecting critical thinking on both sides of the argument.
supported main points
The main points are supported with relevant arguments. For example, the paragraph discussing job creation in the tourism sector aptly supports the benefits side of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • stimulates the local economy
  • cultural understanding
  • global awareness
  • infrastructure development
  • environmental degradation
  • habitat destruction
  • resource depletion
  • cultural erosion
  • foreign influences
  • overcrowding
  • quality of life
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