Some people work for the same organization all their working life, while others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations

this

day and age, the expansion of job opportunities and accessibilities has led to a paradigm shift towards work changes that might be a new journey for society. Plenty of communities believe that people must allocate their entire lives to work at a specific

company

;

likewise

, the opposite reckons that young people should grasp an opportunity in a new environment to foster their intellect.

This

essay is going to elaborate on both sides and provide my notions about the issues. Some proponents believe moving to a new office will open a new journey, which improves their experience. I strongly agree with

this

statement. Addressing new issues tends to level up young employers’ brains, which are more developed than staying in one

company

In addition

this

condition is

also

conducive to fostering new friendships and connections when they attempt to accomplish a formidable problem together.

Therefore

this

will spark a new idea to tackle a new issue and broaden friendships and connections.

On the other hand

, there is a statement that workers should be held accountable in a

company

until they are passed away.

This

belief is loyalty, which improves productivity continually

due to

being always involved in the same situation and no longer adapting. It is a cliche that dedication is one of the most crucial personalities of an employer who wants to be appreciated.

For instance

, a senior manager who has allocated

his

Change the pronoun

the

show examples

time half of his life and diminished numerous

company

challenges will be more

honored

Change the spelling

honoured

show examples

than a younger one. In summary, those opinions positively impact society and individuals,

although

they totally stand on crossing the line. My take on

this

is that I agree that young people might have more captivating moments when they land at a new destination.

Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on Sun Sep 15 2024

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task achievement

While the essay addresses both views and provides your opinion, ensuring that each point is fully expanded and supported by specific examples would strengthen your position. Consider adding more detailed examples to illustrate your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Aim to ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. While the structure is generally clear, using more cohesive devices can enhance the logical flow and ensure that ideas are consistently linked throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion around the topic.

task achievement

You have successfully presented both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, showing balance and consideration of different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

stability
loyalty
seniority
job satisfaction
rapidly changing job market
adapt to
work culture
career progression
network
diversity of experience
adaptability
career aspirations
dynamic nature

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Some people work for the same organization all their working life, while others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The nuclear family is well adapted to moving due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvanta

Art classes, such as paiting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves.