There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work? Situation

#students #degrees #science #technology #courses #university #move #workplace #graduate #measures #work #situation

Many female students complete their degrees in science and technology subjects at university,

however

, only

few

Change the article

a few

show examples

of them join

into

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the workforce after graduating.

This

is because women in our society are still facing many barriers to

develop

Change the verb form

developing

show examples

their careers,

such

as noncooperation in

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

or unsafe

environment

Fix the agreement mistake

environments

show examples

. To solve

this

problem, women should be inspired to emphasize

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their careers and

suitable

Correct article usage

a suitable

show examples

workplace environment should be ensured.

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Mon Sep 16 2024

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task response

The introduction clearly states the issue but could be expanded to outline the structure of the essay. Adding a clear thesis statement will provide better clarity on what the essay will discuss.

task response

The essay's points can be further supported with specific examples or statistics. For example, mentioning a study or real-world example of workplace gender disparity could strengthen the arguments.

coherence and cohesion

While the logical flow is largely maintained, better linkage between sentences and paragraphs would improve coherence. Using connecting words and phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Secondly,' can make the essay smoother to read.

coherence and cohesion

Including a conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final thought or call to action can enhance cohesiveness and give a strong ending to your essay.

task response

The essay addresses the prompt directly and clearly identifies key issues preventing women from joining the workforce in science and technology.

task response

The arguments are relevant to the task, focusing on barriers women face and the measures that can be taken to encourage them into work.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good attempt at logical structure by discussing the problem first and then suggesting solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

68 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

gender bias
stereotypes
inclusive environment
role models
work-life balance
flexible work arrangements
discrimination
harassment
awareness programs
education programs
mentorship
networking opportunities
workplace policies
inclusive culture
scholarships
financial incentives

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There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work? Situation

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The picture below shows the use of renewable energy accounting the total energy from 1971 to 2011

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinon?

You are experiencing financial problems and want to ask your landlord if you can pay your rent late. Write a letter to your landlord. In your letter explain: Why you cannot pay the rent When you will pay the rent. How you will ensure you can pay your rent in the future

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.