There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work? Situation

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Many female students complete their degrees in science and technology subjects at university,
however
Linking Words
, only
few
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a few
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of them join
into
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apply
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the workforce after graduating.
This
Linking Words
is because women in our society are still facing many barriers to
develop
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developing
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their careers,
such
Linking Words
as noncooperation in
workplace
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the workplace
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or unsafe
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem, women should be inspired to emphasize
on
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apply
show examples
their careers and
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
workplace environment should be ensured.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
The introduction clearly states the issue but could be expanded to outline the structure of the essay. Adding a clear thesis statement will provide better clarity on what the essay will discuss.
task response
The essay's points can be further supported with specific examples or statistics. For example, mentioning a study or real-world example of workplace gender disparity could strengthen the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While the logical flow is largely maintained, better linkage between sentences and paragraphs would improve coherence. Using connecting words and phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Secondly,' can make the essay smoother to read.
coherence and cohesion
Including a conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final thought or call to action can enhance cohesiveness and give a strong ending to your essay.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and clearly identifies key issues preventing women from joining the workforce in science and technology.
task response
The arguments are relevant to the task, focusing on barriers women face and the measures that can be taken to encourage them into work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at logical structure by discussing the problem first and then suggesting solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender bias
  • stereotypes
  • inclusive environment
  • role models
  • work-life balance
  • flexible work arrangements
  • discrimination
  • harassment
  • awareness programs
  • education programs
  • mentorship
  • networking opportunities
  • workplace policies
  • inclusive culture
  • scholarships
  • financial incentives
What to do next:
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