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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of world there is continuos coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion.

#parts #world #continuos #coverage #sport #television #people #part
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Max
's Decision Day. From his savings,
Max
 was to buy a new
skateboard
 worth a hundred
dollars
. He had a balance of sixty
dollars
 and
this
 meant that he had to look for the remaining forty
dollars
. His dad gave him 20
dollars
 to clean the attic and though
Max
 hated doing it, he had no choice. (People Choose) At the same time, he
also
 wondered whether he wanted to spend the
cash free
Add a hyphen
cash-free
show examples
 Saturday just hanging out with friends or working for free cash. In the end, he figured that using his Saturday to earn the money was more worth it than having fun all day. (All Choices Involve Costs.) When
Max
 did finish the work in the attic, he was quite happy for he had raised the sum of eighty
dollars
. He was heading to the store
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when on his way a new video game was going for twenty
dollars
. Of course, he wanted one but no, it was postponing the plans for the
skateboard
. It was a dilemma where he weighed the marginal benefit. of enjoying himself now against the marginal cost. of the
further
 delay in getting the
skateboard
.
Max
 predicted himself
much
Rephrase
as much
show examples
 more agreeable-(People Make Decisions at the Margin).
Some time
Replace the word
Sometime
show examples
 after,
Max
’s
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 gave him 20
dollars
 extra for mowing their lawn.
Max
 took up the offer knowing that he had a target to reach. (People Respond to Incentives) Having a purse of $100,
Max
 chose to make purchases of the
skateboard
, realizing that his wise decisions did bear fruit.
Submitted by ikovalchuk3107 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider adding more transitional phrases and connectors between sentences and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes these points while also reflecting on the overall argument or narrative.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, which helps to illustrate your main points clearly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable as it follows a clear sequence of events and reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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