Write about the following topic: Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People
nowadays are preferring
eating Wrong verb form
prefer
junk
foods
despite knowing its consequences on health. Some Fix the agreement mistake
food
people
believes
that it is important to impose Change the verb form
believe
tax
on unhealthy Add an article
a tax
food
items
whereas
other says that it is not necessary to force fat
Correct article usage
a fat
tax
. In my opinion, tax
on unhealthy Correct article usage
a tax
food
should be imposed as people
now are becoming unhealthy and obese due to
the consumption of more junk
food
.
Recently, one news channel did a poll and ask
regrading Wrong verb form
asked
food
, people
love to eat and junk
food
was clearly a winner as 90% preferred it. The consequences that we see from eating outside food
is
alarming. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Comparing
to Wrong verb form
Compared
last
decade, Correct article usage
the last
life
span of Add an article
the life
individual
has dropped drastically. Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
Moreover
, young people
are more obese now and we can see they are less healthier than old generation people
. It is because of type
of Correct article usage
the type
food
they are consuming. Young people
working in office
prefer to eat Fix the agreement mistake
offices
junk
food
item
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
items
eating
fruits even if Verb problem
apply
fruit
shop is Correct article usage
a fruit
also
there. So, It is better
option to apply Add an article
a better
the better
tax
on these food
items
to reduce consumption of these food
items
. To illustrate, purchase
of various soft drinks in India reduced significantly after Correct article usage
the purchase
tax
was imposed on them.
On the contrary
, it can be unfair to enforce tax
on some sections of society. Fast Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
food
is considerably more affordable as compared to healthy food
. So, imposing tax
will make it costlier and will be cruel for some individuals. Correct article usage
a tax
Moreover
, increased taxes will collapse the fast food
industry. They play a vital role in the economic growth of country
and a sudden decline in Add an article
the country
a country
purchase
of Add an article
the purchase
junk
food
items
due to
imposition
of taxes can lead to instability and various other issues.
Correct article usage
the imposition
To conclude
, even though, we know that implementing tax
will cause Correct article usage
a tax
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
to
some Change preposition
for
people
as well as
some industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
but
it Correct word choice
apply
is
is necessary to have Unnecessary verb
apply
tax
on various Correct article usage
a tax
food
items
which are unhealthy as it causing
us various health issues. Wrong verb form
causes
Moreover
, life span is reduced now. Various diseases like diabetes, hypertension, cholesterol
are common especially in youth Correct word choice
and cholesterol
due to
consumption
of fast Correct article usage
the consumption
food
.Submitted by anash.suhail on
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task achievement
You've addressed both views and provided your opinion, which is good. However, you could further elaborate on each point and provide more relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally flows well, but some paragraphs could be more logically structured. Ensure that each paragraph explores a single idea in depth and consider using clearer transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but it would be beneficial to restate your main points more strongly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing a balanced view by equally discussing both perspectives. Currently, one side is slightly more developed than the other. This can ensure a more thorough task response.
task achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion and provided reasoning, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction and your viewpoint is evident throughout, which demonstrates good organisation.
coherence cohesion
The use of a real-life example, such as the news channel poll, helps to contextualize your argument and make it more relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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