Write about the following topic: Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People
nowadays Use synonyms
are preferring
eating Wrong verb form
prefer
junk
Use synonyms
foods
despite knowing its consequences on health. Some Fix the agreement mistake
food
people
Use synonyms
believes
that it is important to impose Change the verb form
believe
Use synonyms
tax
on unhealthy Add an article
a tax
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
whereas
other says that it is not necessary to force Linking Words
fat
Correct article usage
a fat
tax
. In my opinion, Use synonyms
Use synonyms
tax
on unhealthy Correct article usage
a tax
food
should be imposed as Use synonyms
people
now are becoming unhealthy and obese Use synonyms
due to
the consumption of more Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
food
.
Recently, one news channel did a poll and Use synonyms
ask
regrading Wrong verb form
asked
food
, Use synonyms
people
love to eat and Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
was clearly a winner as 90% preferred it. The consequences that we see from eating outside Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
is
alarming. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Comparing
to Wrong verb form
Compared
Linking Words
last
decade, Correct article usage
the last
life
span of Add an article
the life
individual
has dropped drastically. Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
Moreover
, young Linking Words
people
are more obese now and we can see they are less healthier than old generation Use synonyms
people
. It is because of Use synonyms
type
of Correct article usage
the type
food
they are consuming. Young Use synonyms
people
working in Use synonyms
office
prefer to eat Fix the agreement mistake
offices
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
item
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
items
eating
fruits even if Verb problem
apply
fruit
shop is Correct article usage
a fruit
also
there. So, It is Linking Words
better
option to apply Add an article
a better
the better
tax
on these Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
items
to reduce consumption of these Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
items
. To illustrate, Use synonyms
purchase
of various soft drinks in India reduced significantly after Correct article usage
the purchase
tax
was imposed on them.
Use synonyms
On the contrary
, it can be unfair to enforce Linking Words
Use synonyms
tax
on some sections of society. Fast Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
food
is considerably more affordable as compared to healthy Use synonyms
food
. So, imposing Use synonyms
Use synonyms
tax
will make it costlier and will be cruel for some individuals. Correct article usage
a tax
Moreover
, increased taxes will collapse the fast Linking Words
food
industry. They play a vital role in the economic growth of Use synonyms
country
and a sudden decline in Add an article
the country
a country
purchase
of Add an article
the purchase
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
imposition
of taxes can lead to instability and various other issues.
Correct article usage
the imposition
To conclude
, even though, we know that implementing Linking Words
Use synonyms
tax
will cause Correct article usage
a tax
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
to
some Change preposition
for
people
Use synonyms
as well as
some Linking Words
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
but
it Correct word choice
apply
is
is necessary to have Unnecessary verb
apply
Use synonyms
tax
on various Correct article usage
a tax
food
Use synonyms
items
which are unhealthy as it Use synonyms
causing
us various health issues. Wrong verb form
causes
Moreover
, life span is reduced now. Various diseases like diabetes, hypertension, Linking Words
cholesterol
are common especially in youth Correct word choice
and cholesterol
due to
Linking Words
consumption
of fast Correct article usage
the consumption
food
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You've addressed both views and provided your opinion, which is good. However, you could further elaborate on each point and provide more relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally flows well, but some paragraphs could be more logically structured. Ensure that each paragraph explores a single idea in depth and consider using clearer transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but it would be beneficial to restate your main points more strongly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing a balanced view by equally discussing both perspectives. Currently, one side is slightly more developed than the other. This can ensure a more thorough task response.
task achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion and provided reasoning, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction and your viewpoint is evident throughout, which demonstrates good organisation.
coherence cohesion
The use of a real-life example, such as the news channel poll, helps to contextualize your argument and make it more relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example