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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think young children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school. Others believe that other subjects, such as mathematics and science, should be prioritised because they will be more useful for children when they grow older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #instrument #school #subjects #mathematics #science
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Nowadays, young
children
 learn well-rounded
knowledge
 from various subjects. They
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
lonly
Correct your spelling
only
 learn popular subjects at school, but they
also
 learn musical instruments. From the usage aspect, some people believe that students should learn more useful
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
 as mathematics and science which are useful for them when they become adults. The
knowledge
 can be applied later in their daily life or at work.
For example
, if a student is good at mathematics, maybe they will work as an accountant and earn enough money to support himself or herself.
In contrast
, others think that young
children
 should
encourage
Wrong verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 to learn how to
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 a
music
instrumment
Correct your spelling
instrument
 at school. Playing a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 instrument can train students'
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 well.
Moreover
,
music
 can make them feel relaxed from fierce
competations
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
 at school. If a child really likes playing a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 instrument, maybe he or she could become a musician one day if they practice hard. I think all the above subjects learned at
schoold
Correct your spelling
school
 are useful for young
children
. They can obtain different
knowledge
 from each different subject, which can be
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
 for their future. Young
children
 should be
taugt
Correct your spelling
taught
 to become a person with well-rounded
knowledge
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Try to deepen your explanation and analysis of each view with more detailed reasoning and clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more logically and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view on the given topic and offers a clear opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, giving the essay a well-rounded feel.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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