Some people think young children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school. Others believe that other subjects, such as mathematics and science, should be prioritised because they will be more useful for children when they grow older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, young
children
learn well-rounded
knowledge
from various subjects. They
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
lonly
Correct your spelling
only
learn popular subjects at school, but they
also
learn musical instruments. From the usage aspect, some people believe that students should learn more useful
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
as mathematics and science which are useful for them when they become adults. The
knowledge
can be applied later in their daily life or at work.
For example
, if a student is good at mathematics, maybe they will work as an accountant and earn enough money to support himself or herself.
In contrast
, others think that young
children
should
encourage
Wrong verb form
be encouraged
show examples
to learn how to
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
a
music
instrumment
Correct your spelling
instrument
at school. Playing a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
instrument can train students'
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
well.
Moreover
,
music
can make them feel relaxed from fierce
competations
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
at school. If a child really likes playing a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
instrument, maybe he or she could become a musician one day if they practice hard. I think all the above subjects learned at
schoold
Correct your spelling
school
are useful for young
children
. They can obtain different
knowledge
from each different subject, which can be
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
for their future. Young
children
should be
taugt
Correct your spelling
taught
to become a person with well-rounded
knowledge
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Try to deepen your explanation and analysis of each view with more detailed reasoning and clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more logically and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view on the given topic and offers a clear opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, giving the essay a well-rounded feel.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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