IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the future the main reason for going to the shopping malls will be for entertainment, not to shop because of e-commerce. Do you agree or disagree

#future #reason #malls #entertainment #shop #e-commerce
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In the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the main reason for going to the shopping
malls
 will be for
entertainment
, not to
shop
 because of e-commerce. Do you agree or disagree More and more
people
 these days shopping online.
However
, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there are increasing numbers of
malls
.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
people
 prefer to go there only
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 fun and just
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 time because of e-commerce. I generally agree with
this
 point and I will consider my opinion in
this
 essay. There are numerous disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 shopping online. Sometimes you do not know exactly what you are getting.
Products
Correct article usage
The products
show examples
 looked great
might
Correct word choice
but might
show examples
 feel chintzy or cheap when you hold
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
. You can not determine the texture
fabric
Change preposition
of fabric
show examples
, fit or quality just by looking at a photo.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 drawback is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of touch and feel of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 in online shopping. It creates concerns over the quality of the product on offer. It is impossible
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 clothes on . If we look at
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
 of the issue, shopping
malls
 more interesting
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to
shop
.
People
 enjoy shopping at
malls
 with friends.
That is
 a good idea to spend time together. In the
malls
, there are
entertainment
 places
such
 as cinemas , bowling alleys, restaurants and
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
show examples
 for children. You can
shop
 security
while
 your children are in the
exactly
Change the adverb
exact
show examples
 place. It makes
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 atmosphere for purchasing
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
. Another positive aspect is you can have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to try on clothes and get advice on products from
shop
Correct article usage
a shop
show examples
 assistant. They can help you to find your colour and size.
Also
, they recommend which one is suitable for you.
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 physical stores allow price negotiations between
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 and
shopkeeper
Fix the agreement mistake
shopkeepers
show examples
. You have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get products in a better deal if you gather more
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
 in one
shop
. That's why
people
 don't go to shopping stores only for
entertainment
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 shopkeepers have to revolutionize
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
shop
inventoriea
Correct your spelling
inventories
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it had better shops and
entertainment
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
under one roof.
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general
To enhance your essay, make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. A clearer introduction with a stronger thesis statement will also help clarify your stance from the beginning. Additionally, working on transitions between paragraphs will enhance the flow. For example, "If we look at other point of the issue" could be rephrased for better clarity.
general
Try to expand on the examples provided to illustrate points more vividly. Specific examples often make your argument more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly divided your essay into paragraphs that cover different aspects of the topic. This structure helps in maintaining clarity.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, offering a balanced view which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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