There are more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

There are the majority of
people
in the older generation who are looking for
work
with younger
people
and they have to compete with them despite their future health issues. There would be one problem, why seniors would like to
work
with juniors. In my view, the biggest issue for older
people
, and
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the lack of jobs and opportunities to get money for their next lifetime. Because of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
some juniors think that they have more possibilities to get their future professions. But,
people
of old age try to get their own way of competing with others.
For example
: Some 24.5% of South Koreans aged 70 and above were still working as of January, local media reported Monday, as officials increasingly look to keep more elderly in the workforce to address a demographic crisis
according to
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
Korean Government’s Latest Statistics. One possible solution to
this
trouble could be, to open new kinds of extra
work
to help and allow
people
to create new jobs and more productive life experiences in their elder years.
For example
: in our
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
we have one governmental agency which helps
people
to make them feel more secure and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the older workers more opportunities to
work
harder and get cash to live. Thanks to
this
, more than 15 or 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of individuals were employed. In conclusion, troubles
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
come from older employees, and
that is
why there is a lack of unemployment in many states,
however
, there would be solutions of course, and as we can see here, there is apparently a solution for
this
situation.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task response
To improve task response, try to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the problem by discussing multiple issues that may arise from older individuals competing with younger people for the same jobs. Expand on potential problems and add more perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences directly relate to it. Additionally, use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task response
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the statistics from South Korea and the governmental agency in the author's country. These add depth to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion and summarize the main points.

Your opinion

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