IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members ofsociety. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #ofsociety #school #place
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Some argue that mothers and fathers should educate their
children
Use synonyms
 on how to become good members of society,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that education institutes are the best place to learn
this
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 can provide their
children
Use synonyms
 with emotional support, I believe universities incorporate a more structured method for shaping
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 becoming better citizens.
Parents
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, at best, can understand their child's emotional range and can guide them in their younger years with respect to their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and discipline. They are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who are always,
initially
Linking Words
, in their
children
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's vicinity, thereby understanding certain gestures early which might grow into some form of indiscipline. It is here, that
parents
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 can interfere with their
sons
Change noun form
son's
sons'
show examples
 and daughter's life and do a course correction.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western countries,
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 are often kept in
day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
 centres
due to
Linking Words
 both the mother and father being busy with work, later these infants develop aggression when they grow up because of
this
Linking Words
 initial neglect.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that
parents
Use synonyms
 can only build the foundation of a child, but being acceptable to societal values is best done in a cohesive environment that the education centres provide.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, work on ensuring that all points mentioned in the introduction are addressed in the body paragraphs and that examples provided are very directly related to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Linking words and phrases can help guide the reader and create a more cohesive essay.
task achievement
The topic is clearly defined and the essay addresses both points of view as required.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to the introduction, presenting the topic and the writer's opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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