IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
#information #families #country #income
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The bar chart illustrates the distribution of how families spent their weekly budget in a certain country in 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, food
expenses
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
noticeably outweighed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
expenses
Use synonyms
 in 1968,
while
Linking Words
 leisure purchases took the lead in 2018. Household
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
expenses
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, remained its
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level in both years. Regarding food
expenses
Use synonyms
, they had the vast majority of weekly costs with 35% in 1968,
however
Linking Words
, it dropped steeply to approximately 20% in 2018. Fuel and power charges showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar trend as well, but there was a slight decrement
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 2%.
Also
Linking Words
, clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
 and personal
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 charges halved between 1968 and 2018. Turning to housing
expenses
Use synonyms
, there was a noticeable rising pattern from 10% to slightly under 20%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, transport costs increased by nearly 7%,
whereas
Linking Words
 leisure purchases rose sharply from just under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10% to approximately 22%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, household charges levelled off with nearly 8%.
Submitted by silaaltundag5 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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