Government around the world spend too much money on treating illness and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

While
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
around the world spend a significant amount of
money
on treating diseases and ailments, they do not spend enough
money
on health education and prevention. I personally agree with
this
statement because
government
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the government
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do not believe in educating and raising awareness about diseases.
Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
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around the world allocate a significant amount of
money
on
Change preposition
to
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treating illness because they believe that treating
illnessonly
Correct your spelling
illness only
can provide a disease-free world.
For example
, in India, a significant amount of
money
is spend
Change the verb form
is spent
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every year to treat respiratory diseases.
However
,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
government
do not emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking effective measures to prevent air pollution.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear conclusion which summarises the main points and reinforces your argument. Including a well-rounded conclusion would strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
There are some inaccuracies in grammar and syntax, such as 'government do not' should be 'governments do not', and 'treating illnessonly' should be 'treating illness only'. Reviewing these areas will help improve the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by having a clearer organization of ideas. Separating different points into distinct paragraphs and ensuring smooth transitions between them will enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have attempted to address the issue and shared your perspective clearly.
task achievement
The example provided about India adds relevance and specificity to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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