IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #place #rent
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It is becoming increasingly common for
people
Use synonyms
 to have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
of choosing
Change preposition
to choose
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where they
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 live.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they need to own
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 horizontal
house
Use synonyms
, I,
however
Linking Words
, side with those who like to
rent
Use synonyms
 an apartment to live. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, owning housing could
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 two main benefits.
One
Use synonyms
 major advantage is
people
Use synonyms
 could have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
ultimate privacy and could
showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their social status. More and more, private housing might
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 bigger security since they no longer
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 under the same roof with other families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, extended family members might be
one
Use synonyms
 of the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are working hard willingly to
owning
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
 a horizontal
house
Use synonyms
. In fact, renting
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vertical housing
quite
Add a missing verb
is quite
show examples
unefficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
 for
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with numerous members, as it does have limited space and room inside.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is more suitable for some
people
Use synonyms
 are better to choose
owning
Change the verb form
to own
show examples
 their own property.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several more benefits
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 renting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housing or an apartment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the low maintenance cost that the tenant will have. As
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
choose to
rent
Use synonyms
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
housing, they no longer
to
Add a missing verb
have to
show examples
 think about property taxes, housing maintenance routine, and
great
Correct article usage
the great
show examples
 level
security
Change preposition
of security
show examples
 system they will get.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation which still thriving
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 experiences and still
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 about
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 stay in
one
Use synonyms
 particular area, allowing them to
rent
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of owning a
house
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
relatively
Add a missing verb
is relatively
show examples
 a wiser choice since it enables them to move freely whenever they want, as renting
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a
covenient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 option regarding
rent
Use synonyms
 time. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
ownling
Correct your spelling
owning
horizontal
Correct article usage
a horizontal
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 might
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 higher privacy and larger space for family members, renting
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 offers more benefits for low maintenance housecare and
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 personal growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I remain firmly convinced that
Use synonyms
rent
Wrong verb form
renting
show examples
 an apartment
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 positively towards
people
Use synonyms
 who still need time to
thriving
Change the verb form
thrive
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, make sure to use correct and consistent terminology. For example, 'owning housing' and 'renting a housing' could be simplified and clarified as 'owning a home' and 'renting a home' respectively.
task achievement
Introduce some specific relevant examples to better support your arguments, such as referencing studies, surveys, or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy, especially verb conjugation and articles. For instance, 'renting an vertical housing quite unefficient' should be 'renting vertical housing is quite inefficient.'
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on renting versus owning a home.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The writer addresses various points such as privacy, maintenance costs, and mobility, catering to different audience needs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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