IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students move away and live on their own while they are attending school, but others live at home with their family while they are students. Which do you think is a better choice? Give reasons to explain your answer.

#university #students #move #school #home #choice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
Students
Use synonyms
'
university
Use synonyms
 living
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 are
divied
Correct your spelling
divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 two groups which are living at home, and living
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. In my perspective,
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 should live at home, if it is possible
due to
Linking Words
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of aspects, including precious
time
Use synonyms
 sharing with and
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 support from family. Family
time
Use synonyms
 is essential for everyone
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 with parents.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, people tend to have less family
time
Use synonyms
 with
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family when each individual
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 older,
therefore
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 might be the
last
Linking Words
 chapter of your
life
Use synonyms
 without any other responsibilities like work and marriage.
For Instance
Linking Words
, in Thailand, the research found that more than 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of Thai people
are living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
a nucleus
show examples
nucleus
Replace the word
nuclear
show examples
 family after they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 married, around 27 years old. These show that Thai people might have
time
Use synonyms
living
Change the verb form
to live
show examples
 with their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 for less than four years after their graduation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 want some emotional
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from their family or
sibling
Fix the agreement mistake
siblings
show examples
. In
university
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 which is more intense than high school
life
Use synonyms
, especially with tough faculties like Engineering and Medicine. In these two
faculty
Replace the word
faculties
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 have to face peer pressure from their genius friends, apart from various intensive courses,
hence
Linking Words
 it is better for them to have another source of
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 support other than their college friends. To elaborate, many
case
Change to a plural noun
cases
show examples
 of
medical
Add an article
a medical
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 by themselves in Thailand have reported about
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 suicide from stress,
while
Linking Words
 none of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 student who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 with their family has
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 living at home with family is a better choice for every
university
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
, supported by two main reasons. One is having more leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and
sibling
Fix the agreement mistake
siblings
show examples
, and another is to gain another source of emotional
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 which is not from your friends.
Submitted by thitiwatkem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure each paragraph fully develops its main idea with adequate detail and depth.
task achievement
Ensure that every point is supported with clear, relevant examples and elaborations. This enhances both clarity and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Work on reducing minor grammatical and punctuation errors, and aim for more variety in sentence structures to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically developed and supported by relevant examples, enhancing the argument's strength.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: