IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Nowadays, more
people
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 are choosing
alternative
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treatments
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 and medicines
instead
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 of visiting their regular doctors.
While
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 these options may seem less stressful and cheaper, I believe they
also
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 bring several disadvantages.
Firstly
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,
people
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 seek
alternative
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treatments
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 because they want a quick and affordable way to get better.
However
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, many of these
treatments
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 are provided by unqualified practitioners who do not have the same training as doctors.
As a result
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, they often rely on personal experiences and assumptions
instead
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 of scientific knowledge.
For example
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, in Indonesia, some
people
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 are advised to drink frozen drinks to cure tonsillitis, which is not supported by medical evidence and may even make the problem worse. Another reason why
people
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 choose
alternative
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treatments
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 is to save money. Many individuals, especially in rural areas, cannot afford hospital care, so they turn to traditional healers or midwives.
However
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, these
treatments
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 are often carried out without the necessary equipment or expertise, leading to dangerous situations.
For instance
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, there has been an increase in miscarriages because many pregnant women in rural areas choose to give birth
with
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to
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 midwives who lack the right tools. In conclusion,
while
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alternative
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treatments
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 may be cheaper and more accessible, they come with many risks. The lack of proper diagnosis and professional treatment can make a person’s condition worse, and in my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development.
Submitted by alifahmad1799 on

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task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear stance and thoroughly addresses the task. However, expanding on some points with more detailed examples would enhance the completeness.
task achievement
Try to develop the ideas to show different perspectives for a more balanced view. Consider addressing some benefits of alternative treatments briefly to strengthen your argument against them.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically organized and the essay flows well. However, some sentences connecting main points could be improved to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Including a more detailed background or explanation of why people are leaning towards alternative medicine in the introduction might provide a more engaging start.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and concise introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points were supported with specific examples, which made your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your ideas were clearly presented and easy to understand.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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