The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One of the first and most important concerns of businesses is making profits without being worried about the responsibilities against society.
Moreover
, if there aren't laws to prevent them from damaging social life, they will keep causing issues for just making money. In my opinion, somebody needs to remind them that, money is not everything and they should consider other's benefits too. In this
essay, I will bring up more reasons in detail to prove my point of view.
Although
, companies are taking advantage of different pathways to earn dollars, but
there should be some departments or institutes to discuss the risks of these pathways. Remove the conjunction
apply
Also
, making some barricades if needed to lower or remove these detriments; should be one of the most significant tasks. It is so clear that gaining coins can make everybody pleased,
if do not consider the harm that can be a result of that. So, Remove the comma
apply
this
is the highest priority for governments to supervise every activity as a business to make sure no forfeitures to people or the environment.
On the other hand
, these markets can produce a dedicated department which can handle all these harmful decisions, to get more benefits for both sides. For instance
, In 2005, a huge oil company made an oil transfer line with cheap materials to save more money,
but ended up an enormous exploitation which cost a few lives and Remove the comma
apply
also
millions of dollars to get it addressed.
In conclusion, even though companies might hide some harmful results of their products to take more advantage of them, governments are making a
precise Correct article usage
apply
rule
to keep our world safe and clean. In Fix the agreement mistake
rules
this
essay, I argued about businesses' benefits which should not be over people's lives.Submitted by mohammadmafi6809 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another. For example, words like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' can help improve the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to strengthen them by summarizing your key points more clearly. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are well-supported with specific examples. This will not only make your essay more persuasive but also demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic. For example, when discussing government intervention, you could provide more detailed examples of existing laws or regulations.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant; however, to achieve a higher score, try to develop them more comprehensively. This could involve explaining how businesses can balance profit-making with social responsibility or exploring additional aspects such as ethical consumerism.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by arguing that businesses should consider social responsibilities alongside profit-making.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, and each paragraph has a clear purpose, which helps the reader follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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