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Band 7

In many countries, young people decide to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing home with friends. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

#countries #people #parents #home #school #friends #development
In different countries,
people
 who become young try to abandon their
parents
 after they graduate from school and they want to live either alone or with their friends. I think it has both positive and negative impacts on their lives which I explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
it is clear that
 after young
people
 finish school trying to either find a job or continue their education overseas which can be the main reason they are trying to leave their families behind.
for example
: young
people
 who live in my country really want to find better jobs or education in Western countries after they are done with school.
Additionally
, it is a very big opportunity, and by using it not only you take advantage but your
parents
 as well.
On the other hand
, leaving your
parents
 who raised you and have been in bad situations with you will be a very negative action you can take in your life. when you were vulnerable and could not do anything it was your
parents
 who spent their time taking care of you but when they needed you when they got old you left them behind.
Furthermore
, it is not necessary to abandon your family, you can stay with them and take care of them at the same time you are
also
 free to go everywhere. In conclusion, some
people
 like to leave behind their families to achieve their dreams which is freedom but they make mistakes because it is not what they think or believe but for those who
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to live with their
parents
 it is a great choice.
Submitted by abdullahhabibi9999 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should better set up the essay, and the conclusion should more clearly summarize the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that the main points are fully developed with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. Provide more detailed examples and elaborate on your points more comprehensively.
task achievement
Develop your ideas clearly and justify your arguments with more specific examples and logical reasoning.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both positive and negative impacts of young people leaving their parents' homes.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally clear, and you have made an effort to support your ideas with some examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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