The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Generating revenue is the first priority of businesses, and social
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is not what they
must
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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need to do. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement and I will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, doing something for
public
Add an article
the public

The noun phrase public seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is a good thing. From my perspective, companies do not need to have local public responsibilities.
Instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they need to help out the
emplyoees
Correct your spelling
employees

If you don’t want emplyoees to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

who are giving their strength and working in their company.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, giving
bonus
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a bonus
the bonus

The noun phrase bonus seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to
worker
Add an article
a worker
the worker

The noun phrase worker seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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various achievements or any occasion not only
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits

It seems that the verb benefit does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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him but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

his family,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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kind of social
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the top responsibility of businesses should be making money and they do not need to do social things, but if they still want to do anything for
public
Correct article usage
the public

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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and for their people, they should consider their own peers.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, famous brands are already giving a high amount in the form of
taxes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

& bills to their governments.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if they are going to do social
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

paying
taxes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb become are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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loss
Add an article
a loss

The noun phrase loss seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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for their company.
Instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
its
Correct your spelling
it's

The word its doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the duty of government officials to build local communities rather than companies who are already fulfilling their major duties by paying
taxes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As an example,
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known

It appears that well known is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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brands
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as Nike, Gucci, tesla etc are already giving required bills to their governments and now organization administrators are responsible for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds

It seems that kind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of social reforms. In conclusion, making money is
top
Add an article
the top
a top

The noun phrase top priority seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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priority of businesses.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they should help their own
emplyoees
Correct your spelling
employees

If you don’t want emplyoees to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

rather than local people.
Addditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally

If you don’t want Addditionally to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, numerous brands are already paying
taxes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, and now NGOs,
helping
Correct word choice
and helping

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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centres are responsible for all
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types

It seems that type may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of social
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task response
To improve your score in Task Response, make sure that your arguments are fully developed and directly address all parts of the prompt. Currently, the essay leans heavily on the idea that businesses should focus on helping their own employees, which is an important point but should be balanced with considerations about the broader social responsibilities of businesses.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one point to the next. Currently, the essay has some inconsistencies, like jumping from employee benefits to paying taxes without a smooth transition. Including more structured linking sentences would improve readability.
task response
Support your main points with more specific examples or data to make your arguments more compelling. Right now, the examples you have included (like giving bonuses to employees or paying taxes) are relatively vague and could benefit from more detailed explanation.
introduction conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. Currently, it introduces the idea but could more explicitly state the specific arguments that will be covered in the essay.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a sense of completion and direction to your argument.
task response
You have some strong points and examples, such as the role of government in social responsibility and the importance of employee benefits. These help to illustrate your main arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
What to do next:
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