IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there is
an
Change the article
a
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 debatable topic where young generations are encouraged to learn all
subjects
Use synonyms
 comprehensively in school.
However
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, others argue that they should learn
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they have good marks or they are
passionated
Correct your spelling
passionate
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 about.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay will compare the advantages
from
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of
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 both sides to reach a conclusion. On the one hand, learning all
subjects
Use synonyms
 in school will equip youngsters to have broad
knowledge
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 because
this
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 will enhance their information to pursue their
future
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 careers.
In other words
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, knowing about everything will help them to decide what degrees they should concentrate
in
Change preposition
on in
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 college.
Thus
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,
this
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 will
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 them
to
Change preposition
from
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have
Verb problem
making
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 a wrong decision in the
future
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, some schools in Asia implement a
curricullum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 where requiring high school students to learn all
subjects
Use synonyms
 before continuing to universities.
On the other hand
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, focusing
all
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on all
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subjects
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 will
spend much
Verb problem
waste a lot of
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 useless time, resulting in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of focus in students.
Therefore
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, adolescents are better
to focus
Change preposition
off focusing
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 on only
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 to obtain deeper
knowledge
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 about certain
subjects
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. In fact, focusing on the particular
subjects
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 that they
Add a missing verb
are interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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enables
Change preposition
in enables
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 them to have
bigger
Correct word choice
greater
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 motivation to achieve
good
Add an article
a good
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 career in the
future
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.
Hence
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, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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spesialised
Correct your spelling
specialised
knowledge
Use synonyms
 will intrigue them to become great researchers or inventors. In conclusion, focusing
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 will
make
Verb problem
give
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 teenagers
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
broad
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and enough information to pursue their
future
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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, but others say that they should only focus on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 subject to have plenty of time to dive deeper
in
Change preposition
into
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 their passion. In my opinion, focusing only on particular
subjects
Use synonyms
 will be better for students because they will create
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task achievement
Your essay answers the question and includes important points from both sides of the argument. However, you can enhance the quality of your response by providing more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay maintains a logical structure that helps the reader follow your argument, but some sections could benefit from improved transitions. For example, ensure smoother links between ideas in paragraphs and within sentences to make your text flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using complex sentences where appropriate to add variety and sophistication to your writing. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to specific word choices and correct any minor grammatical mistakes. For instance, use ‘are passionate about’ instead of ‘are passionated about,’ and ‘curriculum’ instead of ‘curricullum.’ This will improve both cohesion and overall clarity in your text.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints, which makes your argument well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion provide clear starting and closing points for the reader, enhancing the structure of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile skill set
  • personal development
  • future career opportunities
  • identify strengths
  • satisfying career
  • successful career
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • academic burnout
  • diverse curriculum
  • learning experience
  • engaging and stimulating
  • solid grounding
  • well-rounded individuals
  • diverse conversations
  • different perspectives
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