The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The famous
Correct article usage
Famous
show examples
people
,
such
as superstars, artists, and so on have been exposed to the public and have always taken up various
media
because of their appealing appearance, talents, or success.
As a result
, they are favourable
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
plenty of
people
and they catch much attention from the
media
.
This
kind of phenomenon, for which some
people
think it is wasteful to put
media
resources on those
celebrities
.
Instead
, the
media
should take note of others and report their stories. In my view, I agree with
this
opinion for some reasons. There are several purposes why
people
argue that they do not think the
media
sheds much light on famous
people
and the situation is prevalent everywhere. A charismatic person naturally attracts a large number of supporters who long to know ideals' lives and relationships and
subsequently
many
media
start to dig up that information for the public, by which
media
institutions can earn money.
Besides
,
celebrities
can be a good model of displaying achievement for some
people
.
People
not only admire superstars' performances, but
also
they would like to know how successful
people
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their destinations, which piques their curiosity to learn about famous
people
's families, careers, and relationships related to their successful experiences.
Therefore
, the
media
provides a large amount of news about
celebrities
to satisfy substantial fans' needs.
Conversely
,
people
who argue that the
media
puts too much attention on
celebrities
suppose it has by no means value to pursue a few particular ones.
Also
,
this
condition brings about mass,
such
as paparazzi stalking famous
people
.
People
suggest the
media
can report other
people
's lives, to which their experiences are
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
and attractive as well, despite the fact that they may bring sensational news as superstars. In a nutshell, the
media
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
to transmit
Change the verb form
transmitting
show examples
famous
people
. After all, the majority of
people
are intoxicated by the successes of
celebrities
.
However
, if all the exposure is placed on a few
people
,
then
some
people
who really should be noticed may be dismissed by the public. Even though their appearance and experiences are not relevant to the
media
's traditional criteria, it is worth a
while
to take a look at their stories.
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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by presenting the two sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion. However, incorporating more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience would strengthen your essay and provide better support for your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, some parts need better cohesion. Use more cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, work on presenting your main points with more clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, central idea. Try to link your supporting arguments directly to the topic sentence of each paragraph to create a more cohesive narrative.
task achievement
Your essay successfully presents both sides of the argument and expresses a clear personal viewpoint. This is crucial for a balanced and well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument and giving your essay a complete and finished feel.
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