The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The famous

Correct article usage

Famous

show examples

people

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as superstars, artists, and so on have been exposed to the public and have always taken up various

media

Use synonyms

because of their appealing appearance, talents, or success.

As a result

Linking Words

, they are favourable

with

Change preposition

show examples

plenty of

people

Use synonyms

and they catch much attention from the

media

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

kind of phenomenon, for which some

people

Use synonyms

think it is wasteful to put

media

Use synonyms

resources on those

celebrities

Use synonyms

Instead

Linking Words

, the

media

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should take note of others and report their stories. In my view, I agree with

this

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opinion for some reasons. There are several purposes why

people

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argue that they do not think the

media

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sheds much light on famous

people

Use synonyms

and the situation is prevalent everywhere. A charismatic person naturally attracts a large number of supporters who long to know ideals' lives and relationships and

subsequently

Linking Words

many

media

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start to dig up that information for the public, by which

media

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institutions can earn money.

Besides

Linking Words

celebrities

Use synonyms

can be a good model of displaying achievement for some

people

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

not only admire superstars' performances, but

also

Linking Words

they would like to know how successful

people

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fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their destinations, which piques their curiosity to learn about famous

people

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's families, careers, and relationships related to their successful experiences.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

media

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provides a large amount of news about

celebrities

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to satisfy substantial fans' needs.

Conversely

Linking Words

people

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who argue that the

media

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puts too much attention on

celebrities

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suppose it has by no means value to pursue a few particular ones.

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

condition brings about mass,

such

Linking Words

as paparazzi stalking famous

people

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

suggest the

media

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can report other

people

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's lives, to which their experiences are

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

and attractive as well, despite the fact that they may bring sensational news as superstars. In a nutshell, the

media

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favors

Change the spelling

favours

show examples

to transmit

Change the verb form

transmitting

show examples

famous

people

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. After all, the majority of

people

Use synonyms

are intoxicated by the successes of

celebrities

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However

Linking Words

, if all the exposure is placed on a few

people

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

some

people

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who really should be noticed may be dismissed by the public. Even though their appearance and experiences are not relevant to the

media

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's traditional criteria, it is worth a

while

Linking Words

to take a look at their stories.

hayashidajinja820Wed Sep 18 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the task well by presenting the two sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion. However, incorporating more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience would strengthen your essay and provide better support for your points.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, some parts need better cohesion. Use more cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, work on presenting your main points with more clarity and depth.

coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, central idea. Try to link your supporting arguments directly to the topic sentence of each paragraph to create a more cohesive narrative.

task achievement

Your essay successfully presents both sides of the argument and expresses a clear personal viewpoint. This is crucial for a balanced and well-rounded response.

coherence cohesion

You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument and giving your essay a complete and finished feel.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

363 words

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