The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The famous
Correct article usage
Famous
people
, such
as superstars, artists, and so on have been exposed to the public and have always taken up various media
because of their appealing appearance, talents, or success. As a result
, they are favourable with
plenty of Change preposition
to
people
and they catch much attention from the media
. This
kind of phenomenon, for which some people
think it is wasteful to put media
resources on those celebrities
. Instead
, the media
should take note of others and report their stories. In my view, I agree with this
opinion for some reasons.
There are several purposes why people
argue that they do not think the media
sheds much light on famous people
and the situation is prevalent everywhere. A charismatic person naturally attracts a large number of supporters who long to know ideals' lives and relationships and subsequently
many media
start to dig up that information for the public, by which media
institutions can earn money. Besides
, celebrities
can be a good model of displaying achievement for some people
. People
not only admire superstars' performances, but also
they would like to know how successful people
fulfill
their destinations, which piques their curiosity to learn about famous Change the spelling
fulfil
people
's families, careers, and relationships related to their successful experiences. Therefore
, the media
provides a large amount of news about celebrities
to satisfy substantial fans' needs.
Conversely
, people
who argue that the media
puts too much attention on celebrities
suppose it has by no means value to pursue a few particular ones. Also
, this
condition brings about mass, such
as paparazzi stalking famous people
. People
suggest the media
can report other people
's lives, to which their experiences are colorful
and attractive as well, despite the fact that they may bring sensational news as superstars.
In a nutshell, the Change the spelling
colourful
media
favors
Change the spelling
favours
to transmit
famous Change the verb form
transmitting
people
. After all, the majority of people
are intoxicated by the successes of celebrities
. However
, if all the exposure is placed on a few people
, then
some people
who really should be noticed may be dismissed by the public. Even though their appearance and experiences are not relevant to the media
's traditional criteria, it is worth a while
to take a look at their stories.Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by presenting the two sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion. However, incorporating more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience would strengthen your essay and provide better support for your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, some parts need better cohesion. Use more cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, work on presenting your main points with more clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, central idea. Try to link your supporting arguments directly to the topic sentence of each paragraph to create a more cohesive narrative.
task achievement
Your essay successfully presents both sides of the argument and expresses a clear personal viewpoint. This is crucial for a balanced and well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument and giving your essay a complete and finished feel.