As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A
company
not
only responsible Add a missing verb
is not
to
making profits, but Change preposition
for
also
they must think about social responsibilities
. Certainly, a business
will have large
Correct article usage
a large
impacts
, Fix the agreement mistake
impact
such
as environment
, job Correct article usage
the environment
vacancy
, social lives of Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
human
, and many else. I firmly agree that the Fix the agreement mistake
humans
company
must responsible
for all possible impacts that may happen in the future because of their Add a missing verb
be responsible
business
activities. This
will be depicted by analysing Corporate Social Responsibilities
(CSR
) as well as
empowering people
who impacted
Add a missing verb
are impacted
from
the Change preposition
by
business
.
First of all, CSR
is a responsibility from
companies to the community or Change preposition
of
people
who live around the business
. For example
, an oil and gas company
in Indonesia or
Correct word choice
apply
knownly
as Pertamina, Correct your spelling
known
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
aids
to Fix the agreement mistake
aid
fishermans
because the Correct your spelling
fishermen
company
built their company
around beaches. The aids are
Unnecessary verb
apply
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
help
the Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
fishermans
to increase their catch of fish and gain higher profits. So, it is really important for a Correct your spelling
fishermen
company
to have a sense of responsibility.
Additionally
, similarly
with
Change preposition
to
CSR
, empowering people
can be formed by engaging the local people
to work with the company
. For instance
, Freeport Indonesia is hiring many Papua's
Change noun form
Papua
people
to work on the sites. Of course, it is really helpful for people
at
there because the salary is really high. Even, on the job requirements, Freeport Indonesia is prioritizing Papuanese rather than applicants outside Papua. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, it is a good thing to make local people
become more welfare.
To conclude
, not just focus
on making profits, a Wrong verb form
focusing
company
have responsibilities
to its social environment. It has been proven how CSR
and empowering people
have a significant effect to
local Change preposition
on
people
and fishermans
. Correct your spelling
fishermen
Therefore
, keeping in touch with social
Correct article usage
the social
responsibilities
for
a Change preposition
of
company
is highly crucial.Submitted by wishmeluck on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on making your main points clearer and more logically connected for better coherence. Use transitional phrases effectively.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed explanations for your examples. This will strengthen your argument and clarity.
Task Achievement
Revise and proofread your work to minimize grammatical errors and improve overall readability.
Task Achievement
Provides specific, relevant examples like CSR initiatives and local employment.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and communicates this effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.