IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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A
company
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not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 only responsible
to
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for
show examples
 making profits, but
also
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 they must think about social
responsibilities
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. Certainly, a
business
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 will have
large
Correct article usage
a large
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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,
such
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 as
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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, job
vacancy
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vacancies
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, social lives of
human
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humans
show examples
, and many else. I firmly agree that the
company
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 must
responsible
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be responsible
show examples
 for all possible impacts that may happen in the future because of their
business
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 activities.
This
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 will be depicted by analysing Corporate Social
Responsibilities
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 (
CSR
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)
as well as
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 empowering
people
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 who
impacted
Add a missing verb
are impacted
show examples
from
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by
show examples
 the
business
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. First of all,
CSR
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 is a responsibility
from
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of
show examples
 companies to the community or
people
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 who live around the
business
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.
For example
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, an oil and gas
company
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 in Indonesia
or
Correct word choice
apply
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knownly
Correct your spelling
known
 as Pertamina,
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
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aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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 to
fishermans
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fishermen
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 because the
company
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 built their
company
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 around beaches. The aids
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the
fishermans
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fishermen
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 to increase their catch of fish and gain higher profits. So, it is really important for a
company
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 to have a sense of responsibility.
Additionally
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,
similarly
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with
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to
show examples
CSR
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, empowering
people
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 can be formed by engaging the local
people
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 to work with the
company
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.
For instance
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, Freeport Indonesia is hiring many
Papua's
Change noun form
Papua
show examples
people
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 to work on the sites. Of course, it is really helpful for
people
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at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there because the salary is really high. Even, on the job requirements, Freeport Indonesia is prioritizing Papuanese rather than applicants outside Papua.
Thus
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, it is a good thing to make local
people
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 become more welfare.
To conclude
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, not just
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on making profits, a
company
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 have
responsibilities
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 to its social environment. It has been proven how
CSR
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 and empowering
people
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 have a significant effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 local
people
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 and
fishermans
Correct your spelling
fishermen
show examples
.
Therefore
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, keeping in touch with
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
responsibilities
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
company
Use synonyms
 is highly crucial.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on making your main points clearer and more logically connected for better coherence. Use transitional phrases effectively.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed explanations for your examples. This will strengthen your argument and clarity.
Task Achievement
Revise and proofread your work to minimize grammatical errors and improve overall readability.
Task Achievement
Provides specific, relevant examples like CSR initiatives and local employment.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and communicates this effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
What to do next:
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