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Band 5.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
There is no denying the fact that local
businesses
 are becoming more popular nowadays.
While
 it is commonly believed that the closure of startups and small
businesses
 will break down local communities, some argue against
this
 view. In
this
 essay, I will
further
 elaborate on my view about local business competition.
To begin
 with, traditionally, any business needs time to start generating profit. Small
businesses
,
in particular
, require time and often lack the capital to sustain themselves, especially when competing with international companies in the same domain.
For example
, a small supermarket located near a mega supermarket like Carrefour cannot continue because the mega supermarket can sell at lower prices
due to
 bulk purchasing, which allows them to receive larger discounts than small
businesses
. Another point to consider is the contemporary trend of online shopping, which increases competition and is a significant factor in the closure of small
businesses
.
Additionally
, most employees in small
businesses
 are from the local area, and their closure reduces the money flow within those communities. These factors contribute to increasing unemployment and
potentially
Change the word
potential
show examples
 crime.
According to
 a report released in 2022 by the Pew Research Center, 75% of crime is attributed to unemployment. In conclusion, many small companies are unable to compete. I firmly believe that the government should support
this
 type of small business to sustain local communities.
Submitted by rami_agha77 on

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task response
Try to elaborate a bit more on each main point to provide a more comprehensive discussion. For example, add more specific examples or statistics to support your points about unemployment and community impact.
task response
Ensure a balanced discussion by addressing potential counterarguments. For example, you could discuss possible benefits of supermarkets and how local businesses might adapt.
coherence
You can improve coherence by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' or 'In addition.'
coherence
The structure of the essay is solid, but consider elaborating more in the conclusion about possible solutions to support local businesses.
coherence
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments and bring them to a close effectively.
coherence
You provide a logical structure that is easy to follow, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
The examples and points discussed are relevant and support your thesis well.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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