IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving exisitng public transport. Discuss both views and give your own pinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people have different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about how
money
Use synonyms
 should
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for the public. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, people believe it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be better if the
money
Use synonyms
 was allocated to building new railway lines for very fast
trains
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 places. Meanwhile, others think the
money
Use synonyms
 should
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for enhancing the quality of mass transportation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse both sides before a conclusion is declared.
First,
Linking Words
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to construct
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 railway for fast
trains
Use synonyms
 is important.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, there is a fast
train
Use synonyms
 or MRT, but the price is quite expensive. Indeed, the
train
Use synonyms
 was very
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
,
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
, and accessible.
However
Linking Words
, to build
this
Linking Words
 kind of
train
Use synonyms
, the government must borrow a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 from China. It makes
Correct article usage
the indebtion
show examples
indebtion
Correct your spelling
indebted
 of Indonesia become bigger and bigger.
Thus
Linking Words
, allocating
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case
is remain
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
 questionable,
is
Correct word choice
whether is
show examples
 it worth it or not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to refurbish public transportation is more valuable.
For instance
Linking Words
, I had a good experience when
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 public vehicles,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 or commuter
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 in Indonesia. Not only cheaper, but
also
Linking Words
 it is really easy for me to
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 from one place to another place. I feel comfortable because of the facilities in there.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 was importing new
trains
Use synonyms
, they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not need to spend as much as they
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocated
show examples
 to make fast
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
. So, it is more efficient and wise
in using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. After looking at these points of view, I am more suitable
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 second
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opinion. It is because a state can save more
money
Use synonyms
 when
Use synonyms
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 it for public transportation rather than make
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 railway for fast
trains
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This can be achieved through the use of proper transition words and phrases.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but they could be expanded upon further to provide a deeper analysis and understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and also provides a personal opinion, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples are provided, which help to illustrate the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-speed trains
  • intercity travel
  • carbon footprint
  • economic activity
  • construction phase
  • public transport systems
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • cost-effective
  • infrastructure
  • productivity
  • sustainable urban environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: