In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving exisitng public transport. Discuss both views and give your own pinion.

Many people have different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
about how
money
should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
for the public. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, people believe it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
be better if the
money
was allocated to building new railway lines for very fast
trains
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
places. Meanwhile, others think the
money
should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
for enhancing the quality of mass transportation.
This
essay will analyse both sides before a conclusion is declared.
First,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
a lot of
money
to construct
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway for fast
trains
is important.
For example
, in Indonesia, there is a fast
train
or MRT, but the price is quite expensive. Indeed, the
train
was very
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
,
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
, and accessible.
However
, to build
this
kind of
train
, the government must borrow a lot of
money
from China. It makes
Correct article usage
the indebtion
show examples
indebtion
Correct your spelling
indebted
of Indonesia become bigger and bigger.
Thus
, allocating
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
case
is remain
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
questionable,
is
Correct word choice
whether is
show examples
it worth it or not.
On the other hand
,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
money
to refurbish public transportation is more valuable.
For instance
, I had a good experience when
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
public vehicles,
such
as
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
or commuter
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
in Indonesia. Not only cheaper, but
also
it is really easy for me to
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
from one place to another place. I feel comfortable because of the facilities in there.
Furthermore
, when
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
was importing new
trains
, they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not need to spend as much as they
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocated
show examples
to make fast
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
. So, it is more efficient and wise
in using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
money
. After looking at these points of view, I am more suitable
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
second
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opinion. It is because a state can save more
money
when
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
it for public transportation rather than make
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway for fast
trains
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This can be achieved through the use of proper transition words and phrases.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but they could be expanded upon further to provide a deeper analysis and understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and also provides a personal opinion, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples are provided, which help to illustrate the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-speed trains
  • intercity travel
  • carbon footprint
  • economic activity
  • construction phase
  • public transport systems
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • cost-effective
  • infrastructure
  • productivity
  • sustainable urban environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!