IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Studies have shown that unemployment has a bad effect on both the physical and mental health of people without a job. For this reason, governments need to create jobs for everyone who wants one. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#studies #unemployment #effect #health #people #job #reason #governments #jobs
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Some studies have declared that
Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
problem
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 has a bad impact on the physical and mental health of
people
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 who do not have work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should create
job
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opportunities
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 for
people
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 who
need
Correct pronoun usage
need them
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because eradicating
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unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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problem
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, and ensuring
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 utilization of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 are the responsibilities of the
government
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. Solving
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unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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problem
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 is the responsibility of the
government
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,
therefore
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should create
job
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opportunities
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. Governments should be aware of how many
people
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 are looking for jobs, and how many vacancies are available.
This
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 will help the
government
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 to create employment
opprotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for citizens
according to
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 the requirements.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, in 2018, the
government
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 conducted a survey on how many
people
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 are unemployed. Based on that report, the
government
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 created training and
job
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opportunities
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 for
people
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 in numerous public service sectors.
This
Linking Words
 helped to mitigate the
unemployment
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 rate significantly.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 should believe in
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 utilization of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 of a
country
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. If governments are unable to do that, most of the
people
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 of a
country
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 will remain unemployed despite being eligible to work.
Skills
Correct article usage
The skills
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, knowledge and experiences of
people
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 are valuable assets, and these should be properly utilized to serve a
country
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.
For example
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, the
government
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 of India always focuses on utilizing the
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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 of the young generation in their public service sectors.
Therefore
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, they get the
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opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
show examples
 to serve their
country
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.
To conclude
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, it is the duty of the
government
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 to create
job
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opportunities
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 for
people
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and eradicate
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unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
problem
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. Ensuring proper utilization of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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also
Linking Words
 should be taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 the
government
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured overall, but be mindful of minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes such as 'opprotunities' which should be 'opportunities.'
task achievement
Provide a little more elaboration on some points to enhance the depth of your response. For instance, further explain how exactly the implementation of job opportunities helps mitigate unemployment and its effects on physical and mental health.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, making your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, covering different aspects of government responsibilities toward unemployment.
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