Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups, However, sharing personal information on social media have risks. Do the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

The popularity of social
media
among all age groups is increasing.
However
, there are risks of sharing personal information on social
media
. I personally believe that
although
social
media
helps
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
people
, the drawbacks of it outweigh the benefits
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
sharing personal information harms the privacy and dignity of
people
. Social
media
helps to connect
people
because
people
can become friends, chat, and share photos and information with each other.
This
trend brings
people
closure and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
the world a global village.
Moreover
, some
people
use social
media
as a business platform to sell their products. With the help of social
media
, they can earn from their home and become independent.
For example
, many women from Bangladesh, sell clothing and cosmetics on social
media
from home and
this
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
them to earn a lot. Despite the numerous advantages of social
media
, I believe that social
media
cannot respect the privacy of
people
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments to reinforce your stance on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'sharing personal information have risks' should be 'sharing personal information has risks').
complete response
Expand on how social media users can protect themselves from privacy breaches to provide a more balanced view.
logical structure
The essay displays a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and an attempt at a conclusion.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided, such as women in Bangladesh earning from home, are relevant and enhance the argument.
supported main points
The main points are supported with explanations and examples, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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