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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in distinguishing activities at a social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020. First of all, during the 20
years
Use synonyms
, the highest
population
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activity had been
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
. In 2000, its number was 65 but it fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 60
people
Use synonyms
 after 10
years
Use synonyms
. At the period 2010, its
population
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started to increase to around 67
people
Use synonyms
 for 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, The lowest activity during 20
years
Use synonyms
 was musical performances. In 2005, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started to slightly grow from 0 to around 20
people
Use synonyms
 for 15
years
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, in 2000,
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 tennis
population
Use synonyms
 was around 15
people
Use synonyms
. As same as the musical performance, it had tended to
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 from 15
people
Use synonyms
 to over 50
people
Use synonyms
 for 20
years
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
numbere
Correct your spelling
number
 of amateur dramatics had tended to rapidly decrease from 26 to less for 20
years
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of
matrial
Correct your spelling
martial
material
 arts was not stable. In 2000, its data was approximately 35
people
Use synonyms
 but after 5
years
Use synonyms
, it reduced
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 30
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it seemed to increase
39
Change preposition
by 39
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010, yet it declined
33
Change preposition
by 33
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in 2015. After 5
years
Use synonyms
, it slightly promoted 36
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020. In conclusion, the highest
population
Use synonyms
 during 20
years
Use synonyms
 was film
club
Use synonyms
, and the lowest
club
Use synonyms
 was musical performances.
Besides
Linking Words
, the increasing tendency of the clubs were musical performances and table tennis clubs.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the decreasing tendency of the
club
Use synonyms
 was amateur dramatics
club
Use synonyms
.The most unstable data of the
club
Use synonyms
 was
matrial
Correct your spelling
martial
material
 arts.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years, population, club with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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