The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons

The figure shows the popularity of activities among members in the social centre in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020. The

flim

Correct your spelling

film

club

showed the highest

members

Correct quantifier usage

number of members

show examples

during 20 years, and it reduced 10

people

from 2000 to 2005. But at that time, the number of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

in the amateur dramatics

club

increased

nearly

Change preposition

by nearly

show examples

10. After 2005, the

amateur dramatics

Correct your spelling

Amateur Dramatics Club

show examples

club

rapidly fell down to 5

people

On the contrary

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

table tennis started to

flactuate

Correct your spelling

fluctuate

from 20 to over 50 members.

Also

, the

quantity

Change the quantifier

number

show examples

people

who enrolled

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

musical performances

had been

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

higher

Change preposition

than over

show examples

over

Change preposition

than

show examples

people

. The material arts and

flim

Correct your spelling

film

club

had little changes for 20 years. Before 2010, the

flim

Correct your spelling

film

club

decuced

Correct your spelling

decreased

from 70 to 60 and the material arts

also

decreased

Change preposition

from 45

show examples

to around 30

people

. In 2010, the material arts increased

approximately

Change preposition

by approximately

show examples

people

. After 1 year, it reduced but the

flim

Correct your spelling

film

club

increased

Change preposition

by 5

show examples

people

Submitted by lizehua041210 on Wed Sep 18 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words flim, club, people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.

▼

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

153 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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