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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

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The pie chart illustrates the average proportions of three types of nutrients commonly found in meals, each of which can be harmful when consumed in excess.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 dinner and
snacks
Use synonyms
 had higher percentages of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and added
sugar
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
breakfast
Use synonyms
 remained at a steady level across all three nutrient types. In general, dinner accounts for 43% of daily
sodium
Use synonyms
 intake, making it the largest contributor, followed by saturated fat at 37%, and
then
Linking Words
 23% for added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 had the same percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the proportions of saturated fat in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 showed no significant change compared to
sodium
Use synonyms
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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However
Linking Words
, added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 made up the largest intake at 42%, playing a major role.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportions of saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 were both at 16%. Focusing on lunch, the proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 accounts for 29%, with saturated fat being 3% lower than
sodium
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 makes up only 19% of the total in lunch.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words snacks, sodium, sugar, breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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