The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

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The pie chart illustrates the average proportions of three types of nutrients commonly found in meals, each of which can be harmful when consumed in excess.

Overall

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it is clear that

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dinner and

snacks

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had higher percentages of

sodium

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and added

sugar

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while

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breakfast

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remained at a steady level across all three nutrient types. In general, dinner accounts for 43% of daily

sodium

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intake, making it the largest contributor, followed by saturated fat at 37%, and

then

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23% for added

sugar

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Additionally

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breakfast

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and

snacks

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had the same percentage of

sodium

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while

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the proportions of saturated fat in

breakfast

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and

snacks

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showed no significant change compared to

sodium

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Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

However

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, added

sugar

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snacks

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made up the largest intake at 42%, playing a major role.

Moreover

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, the proportions of saturated fat and added

sugar

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breakfast

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were both at 16%. Focusing on lunch, the proportion of

sodium

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accounts for 29%, with saturated fat being 3% lower than

sodium

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while

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added

sugar

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makes up only 19% of the total in lunch.

Submitted by f1576062618 on Wed Sep 18 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words snacks, sodium, sugar, breakfast with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

169 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Nutrients
Unhealthy
Daily intake
Percentage
Carbohydrates
Fats
Proteins
Meals
Balanced diet
Consumption
Excess
Health implications
Obesity
Diabetes
Heart disease
Convenience foods
Fast foods
Socioeconomic factors
Lifestyle choices
Healthy eating habits
Dietary recommendations

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The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Levels of consumer debt are increasing across the world. To address this, a new subject should be introduced in secondary schools: how to manage personal finances. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

In the past, the main role of teachers was providing information. Today with various sources of information available to students, teachers have no role in modern education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.