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Band 5

Some people think that sports lessons are a waste of time. Write an article for your school newspaper, giving your views.

#people #sports #lessons #waste #time #article #school #newspaper
Nowadays, a variety of unique
sports
 are being introduced in schools.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 most students participate, but some say
it’s
 a waste of time. I strongly believe the opposite, and rather
sports
 are beneficial.
Firstly
,
sports
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 my opinion, teach children new
skills
.
This
 includes the
skills
 directly from playing
along with
skills
 for socialising and leadership within.
For instance
, playing in teams can encourage cooperation, communication, and leadership.
Secondly
, in my view,
it’s
 clear that
sports
 help maintain a good well-being. The physical activity involved in
sports
 helps students to be more fit and flexible. It can help open their minds and reduce stress.
It’s
also
 fun.
Although
it’s
 true to some extent that academics are more important,
sports
 are essential in school life.
In addition
 to proper time management,
sports
 can be included as a necessary break. In conclusion, I vehemently believe
sports
 are extremely beneficial and are not a waste of time. They teach new
skills
, maintain physical and mental well-being and can be paired with academics.
Submitted by maryamshafeeq on

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task achievement
Try providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention a particular sport or a case where a student benefited from sports lessons.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between paragraphs are more fluid. This will enhance readability and understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your main argument, which is very effective.
coherence cohesion
You conclude your essay well by succinctly summarizing your main points and reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple dimensions of the benefits of sports, including skill development and physical well-being.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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