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Band 4.5

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than small shops or local markets? Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #shop #supermarkets #shops #markets #development
A
lot
 of local
markets
 are closing down these days because their business is dying down
due to
 plenty of
supermarkets
 opening up, Nowadays a
lot
 of people are leaning towards shopping in
supermarkets
 rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 local
markets
, In
this
 essay I will discuss my opinion on why shopping in
supermarkets
 can prove to be better
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 shopping in local
markets
, and, some downsides that local
markets
 can face. Shopping in
supermarkets
 can offer you a
varaity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 you can find a
lot
 of
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 types of fruits, vegetables, and a
varaity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 products from all around the world. Another reason people prefer
supermarkets
 is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 they tend to be much closer to where they live,
this
 will make them not waste time driving just to reach a supermarket,
clearly
Add a comma
clearly,
show examples
supermarkets
 are much superior
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 local
markets
 But
on the other hand
, the sheer amount of
supermarkets
 is
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
 the local
markets
 negatively, Because
supermarkets
 are taking a
lot
 of business from local
markets
 and
this
 may lead to a
lot
 of local
markets
 closing down,
also
 local
markets
 rely on selling
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 stock
this
 is especially true in local food
markets
.
clearly
Add a comma
clearly,
show examples
 local
markets
 are being
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 negatively by the rise of
supermarkets
. In
this
 essay I
disscussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
discuss
 the positives and negatives of shopping in
supermarkets
 rather than local
markets
, In my personal opinion I would prefer to shop in
supermarkets
 as they are the easiest to reach and
im
Correct your spelling
is
I'm
 much more
likley
Correct your spelling
likely
 to find what
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 looking for.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your arguments. This can add depth to your essay and make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the question. While the essay discusses both sides, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration and clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Use clearer paragraphing and logical connectors to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your introduction and conclusion. These sections should frame your essay clearly, providing a strong opening and closing argument.
task achievement
The essay shows a good grasp of the topic and presents a clear preference, which is necessary for task accomplishment.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt at discussing both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the need to present a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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