IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Recently,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 growing number of people with
health
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 problems are trying
alternative
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treatments
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 and
medicines
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instead
Linking Words
 of visiting their usual doctor. I think
this
Linking Words
 statement can be viewed as a negative development because
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
 and
medicines
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 can possibly trigger illegal
health
Use synonyms
medicines
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 and may cause
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with patients’
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 that
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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worst
Correct word choice
worse
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
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 can probably enable the high number of illegal
health
Use synonyms
medicines
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. Actually, the government already established a strict procedure for producing
health
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medicines
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 by doing several tests to ensure that all
medicines
Use synonyms
 are safe and
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 for patients.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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alternative
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
medicines
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 frequently pass these tests, and
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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 can consume them directly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, patients can
also
Linking Words
 easily get these
medicines
Use synonyms
 by visiting the
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
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 place or by buying them
in
Change preposition
on
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 online websites or
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
The
Correct your spelling
These
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 conditions may be the cause
why
Change preposition
of why
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal
health
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medicines
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 grow so fast in society
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 can possibly harm patients’
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 that getting
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Olga Syahputra, a well
know
Change the form of the verb
known
show examples
 comedian, prefer to choose
alternative
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treatments
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 rather than visiting
usual
Add an article
a usual
the usual
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 doctor to solve his brain
cancer
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. After a long period of treatment, he felt his
condition
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 did not get well. And, for handling a
cancer
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 problem, time is everything because
this
Linking Words
cancer
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 can quickly spread
in
Change preposition
to
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 other
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 organs.
Thus
Linking Words
, if Olga soon
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 the
chemotheraphy
Correct your spelling
chemotherapy
, which is the usual doctor’s treatment, many believe Olga’s
cancer
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 should be handled. In conclusion, the statement that the growing number of people with
health
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 problems are trying
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
 and
medicines
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instead
Linking Words
 of visiting their usual doctor
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 can be seen as
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 development since
alternative
Use synonyms
treatments
Use synonyms
 and
medicines
Use synonyms
 can possibly trigger illegal
health
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 and may cause
Add an article
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with patients’
condition
Use synonyms
 that getting worst.

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure for better coherence and readability. For example, 'and may cause problem with patients’ condition that getting worst' should be refined to 'and may cause the patient's condition to worsen'.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more clarity and depth in arguments. For example, elaborate on why alternative medicines might lead to negative health outcomes.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points clearly and convincingly. This will enhance the argument's credibility.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the negative aspects of people choosing alternative treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear position throughout and supports it with logically structured arguments.
task achievement
The example of Olga Syahputra adds a personal touch and makes the argument more relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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