nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Recently,
the
growing number of people with Correct article usage
a
health
problems are trying alternative
treatments
and medicines
instead
of visiting their usual doctor. I think this
statement can be viewed as a negative development because alternative
treatments
and medicines
can possibly trigger illegal health
medicines
and may cause problem
with patients’ Fix the agreement mistake
problems
condition
that Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
getting
Wrong verb form
get
worst
.
Correct word choice
worse
Firstly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
alternative
medicines
and treatments
can probably enable the high number of illegal health
medicines
. Actually, the government already established a strict procedure for producing health
medicines
by doing several tests to ensure that all medicines
are safe and benefit
for patients. Replace the word
beneficial
In contrast
, the
Correct article usage
apply
alternative
health
medicines
frequently pass these tests, and patient
can consume them directly. Fix the agreement mistake
patients
Furthermore
, patients can also
easily get these medicines
by visiting the alternative
medicines
place or by buying them in
online websites or Change preposition
on
application
. Fix the agreement mistake
applications
The
conditions may be the cause Correct your spelling
These
why
Change preposition
of why
the
illegal Correct article usage
apply
health
medicines
grow so fast in society nowdays
.
Correct the word
nowadays
Secondly
, the
Correct article usage
apply
alternative
medicines
and treatments
can possibly harm patients’ health
condition
that getting Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
worst
. Correct word choice
worse
For example
, Olga Syahputra, a well know
comedian, prefer to choose Change the form of the verb
known
alternative
treatments
rather than visiting usual
doctor to solve his brain Add an article
a usual
the usual
cancer
. After a long period of treatment, he felt his condition
did not get well. And, for handling a cancer
problem, time is everything because this
cancer
can quickly spread in
other Change preposition
to
human’s
organs. Change noun form
human
Thus
, if Olga soon take
the Change the verb form
takes
chemotheraphy
, which is the usual doctor’s treatment, many believe Olga’s Correct your spelling
chemotherapy
cancer
should be handled.
In conclusion, the statement that the growing number of people with health
problems are trying alternative
treatments
and medicines
instead
of visiting their usual doctor nowdays
can be seen as Correct the word
nowadays
negative
development since Correct article usage
a negative
alternative
treatments
and medicines
can possibly trigger illegal health
medicines
and may cause Add an article
a problem
problem
with patients’ Fix the agreement mistake
problems
condition
that getting worst.Submitted by adittyafatma on
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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure for better coherence and readability. For example, 'and may cause problem with patients’ condition that getting worst' should be refined to 'and may cause the patient's condition to worsen'.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more clarity and depth in arguments. For example, elaborate on why alternative medicines might lead to negative health outcomes.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points clearly and convincingly. This will enhance the argument's credibility.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the negative aspects of people choosing alternative treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear position throughout and supports it with logically structured arguments.
task achievement
The example of Olga Syahputra adds a personal touch and makes the argument more relatable.
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