Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#governments #support #care #finance #people #money

No one can deny that some

people

believe that

support

care for retired

people

while

others prefer to think that they should save

money

when they get older. It is important to admit that both views have their own

benefits

. In

this

essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that

support

each view, and what

benefits

they bring to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. On the one hand, the option to think that the governments should

support

care

retired

Change preposition

for retired

show examples

people

has its

benefits

for many convincing reasons. Most importantly, some retired

people

can't

support

themselves. The perfect example to illustrate

this

is if you go to a Retirement home you will find a lot of nurses doctors and caretakers for the elderly. Another key reason is many retired

people

have no way to make

money

for themselves so they need financial

support

. A good example of

this

is that elderly

people

can easily get sick and may get hurt doing

reagular

Correct your spelling

regular

ever day

Correct your spelling

everyday

show examples

activities as their bodies

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

started to

deterierate

Correct your spelling

deteriorate

as well as

their health.

On the other hand

, despite the above argument, other

people

choose to believe that retired

people

should save their

money

especially when they get older

this

also

has its advantages for obvious reasons.

Firstly

, retired

people

have had their chance to make plenty of

money

. A good interpretation of

this

is the

salery

Correct your spelling

salary

rates most retired

people

used to make.

Secondly

, the elderly have much more

experince

Correct your spelling

experience

and less of a responsibility

espacially

Correct your spelling

especially

toward their kids because their kids would have been grown already. The best example is if

Change the article

show examples

elderly person

makes

Verb problem

puts

show examples

a kid in their

20's

Correct your spelling

20s

by the time they retire their kid would have grown to be in their

30's

Change noun form

30s

show examples

. In conclusion, it seems to me that Governments should

support

retired

people

because its

benefits

outweigh its drawbacks on the whole.

Submitted by almansouradel1 on Thu Sep 19 2024

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task achievement

You have done a good job addressing both views and providing reasons and examples for each one. However, try to expand more on how each view affects society as a whole. You could also strengthen the discussion with more diverse examples.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a logical structure, which aids in understanding your argument. However, make sure the points within each paragraph flow smoothly from one to the next. Using more linking phrases like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'however' can help maintain this flow.

coherence cohesion

Grammar and spelling should be checked more carefully. There are numerous minor mistakes such as 'deterierate' instead of 'deteriorate' and 'regualr' instead of 'regular.' Besides, sentences should be polished to improve readability and coherence.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay. This helps in giving the reader a clear idea of what your essay will cover and wraps it up nicely.

relevant specific examples

You included relevant examples which significantly support your main points. This shows the ability to effectively use examples to strengthen your argument, which is a crucial skill in essay writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do yout think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?