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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising but not the real need of the society where such products are sold. Do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society #products
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It is often believed that some
products
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 are sold well because of the powerful impact of
advertisements
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 rather than the needs of the public. I partially agree with
this
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 view, for the advancement of
advertisements
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 draws more attention of
consumers
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 with their visual and sound effects
whereas
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people
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 still purchase
products
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 they really need in the downturn of the economy. On the one hand,
people
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 are more influenced by modern
advertisements
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 and tend to purchase unnecessary
products
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 as they have become more advanced with the use of animation and sound.
In other words
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, they are more likely to buy something
that is
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 well promoted by posters and online
advertisements
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 as they easily grab their attention, encouraging them to have a positive view of an item.
For instance
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,
advertisements
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 with the sound of birds and rivers encourage
consumers
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 to trust the healing and relaxing effect of aromas more.
Thus
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, many
consumers
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 are not able to resist their effects, purchasing
products
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 that they do not intend.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 still spend money on necessary items without the influence of
advertisements
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 when the economic situation gets worse and discourages
consumers
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 from wasting money. Indeed, groceries and inexpensive utensils are often popular when
people
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 have a tight budget.
Furthermore
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, they need to purchase them because consuming various nutrients from food is more essential than fancy cosmetics and clothing for their health no matter how stimulating
advertisements
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 are made.
Consequently
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,
consumers
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' shopping behaviours do not easily alter
due to
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 the harsh reality where they are required to make clever choices in life for survival. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the improved strategy of
advertisements
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 influences a choice of
consumers
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 as they tend to have an optimistic view toward items.
However
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,
people
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 remain unaffected when they are more serious in the downturn of
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 when they are reluctant to waste their money on unimportant
products
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.
Submitted by mizuho on

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coherence cohesion
Try to refine the structure for even greater clarity, especially focusing on the transition phrases between paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the arguments that follow.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument.
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