IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 should be separated in different
schools
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. Some
people
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 believe children will get more advantages from mixed
schools
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
separate
Replace the word
separating
show examples
 students
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
gender
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 is a wiser decision.
This
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 essay agrees that
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boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 and
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girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 will have more advantages. Children
attend
Correct pronoun usage
who attend
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 mixed
schools
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 will get more advantages than
in
Correct pronoun usage
those in
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 separate
schools
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. The former provides more opportunities for young
people
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 to know the other
gender
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. Our
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 is constructed by both genders. Everyone needs to know how to stay with others, no matter who is male or female. They will go to work after
graduate
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graduation
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.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
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 will not separate males and females
in
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apply
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anywhere.
For instance
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,
in addition
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 to
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 special places,
such
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 as
army
Add an article
the army
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, the most regular
vancancies
Correct your spelling
vacancies
 have no demand
about
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for
show examples
gender
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, which means men and women need to work together.
However
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, some
people
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 think that we should separate
boys
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 and
girls
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 in different
schools
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, because
this
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 is an
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 way to prevent children
to fall
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from falling
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 in love
in
Change preposition
at
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 too young
age
Correct article usage
an age
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. In fact,
such
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method
Correct article usage
a method
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 cannot stop loving issues
happend
Correct your spelling
happening
 in
schools
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, between
boys
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 or between
girls
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. The
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system allows
people
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 to spend more and more years to be educated. Teenagers being in love is a normal rather than shameful thing and we should use a more inclusive view to face
such
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 phenomenon. In conclusion, students will obtain more benefits
to study
Change preposition
from studying
show examples
 in mixed
schools
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.
Although
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 separate
schools
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 could stop teenagers
to fall
Change preposition
from falling
show examples
 in love,
this
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 is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inclusive view,
whereas
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a mixed
show examples
mixed
Add a hyphen
mixed-gender
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gender
Use synonyms
 environment could help young
people
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 better know how to cooperate with the other
gender
Use synonyms
 in their future workplaces.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed. Your stance should be clearly indicated from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, and that the ideas within paragraphs are clearly and coherently connected.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This would make your argument stronger and more convincing.
overall quality
Check for grammatical errors, and use a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
overall quality
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which are relevant to the discussion and summarize your stance well.
task achievement
You have presented both views and provided your opinion, which addresses the task requirement effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains logical points and attempts to explain why mixed schools are beneficial and why separate schools might be favored by some.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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