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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
The presented chart gives information about
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
 in the UK,who did not present in full-time
work
 after finishing college in 2008. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 both of the categories show an upward trend in
further
study
.
In contrast
, the weakest amount of
students
 had voluntary
work
. The illustration
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the differences between the choices of
graduate
students
.There is
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 discrepancy in the midst of voluntary
work
 and
further
study
.The number of people, who
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
 keen on voluntary
work
 is above 3,500.
However
,
further
Add an article
the further
a further
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 had more actuality than other ones
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
There are more than 29
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
graduate
students
.Part-time
work
 had an average statistic result as unemployment had. As shown in the bar graph, postgraduates’s
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
roughly
Add a missing verb
are roughly
show examples
 the same as
graduate
students
.Despite
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, there is
fractionally
Correct article usage
a fractionally
show examples
 difference betwixt part-time
work
 and
further
study
.We can see the level of amount of
students
,who did not find
a
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
work
 during
this
 period.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work, study with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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