The charts below show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
The presented chart gives information about
graduate
and postgraduate
students
in the UK,who did not present in full-time
work
after finishing college in 2008. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
both of the categories show an upward trend in
further
study
.
In contrast
, the weakest amount of
students
had voluntary
work
. The illustration
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
the differences between the choices of
graduate
students
.There is
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
discrepancy in the midst of voluntary
work
and
further
study
.The number of people, who
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
keen on voluntary
work
is above 3,500.
However
,
further
Add an article
the further
a further
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
had more actuality than other ones
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
There are more than 29
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
graduate
students
.Part-time
work
had an average statistic result as unemployment had. As shown in the bar graph, postgraduates’s
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
roughly
Add a missing verb
are roughly
show examples
the same as
graduate
students
.Despite
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, there is
fractionally
Correct article usage
a fractionally
show examples
difference betwixt part-time
work
and
further
study
.We can see the level of amount of
students
,who did not find
a
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
work
during
this
period.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work, study with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: