In many countries , the number of animals and plants is declining . Why do you think this is happening ? How can this issue be solved ?

Nowadays , a lot of
animals
and plants are becoming extinct
as a result
of increasing population , occupying forests , climate change, building new high buildings and pollution of the
environment
. There are many reasons why
animals
and plants are declining. First of all , the population are increasing day by day affecting many
people
. Pollution of the
environment
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
animals
and flowers
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
therefore
neglect
Correct subject-verb agreement
neglects
show examples
of
people
. Not only new buildings are built in return for green zones but forests are
also
occupied by the
government
and
also
government
building new companies there .
Thus
for
this
reason
animals
and plants are declining . There are many solutions
for
this
reason.
First,
many populations eat meat for sure
government
encourages to eat less and be vegetarian.
For instance
, the Chinese should eat less meat from
animals
. If the Chinese eat less meat , many
animals
may be alive .
Secondly
, the
government
should say that All
people
must follow purity and teach following purity .If
people
obey these rules , the
environment
will be cleaner.
For example
, it may be useful for many
people
.
Lastly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should think only of nature rather than money and be careful. In conclusion, I think
this
is happening because of , the increasing population and
this
could be solved by the
government
encouraging for eat less and be vegetarian. Pollution of the
environment
could be solved by the
government
and they say that All
people
must follow purity " and
also
the
government
should think that only nature rather than money .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a general structure with an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow of ideas needs improvement. Try to create clearer and more organized paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported with relevant and specific examples. For instance, instead of general statements like 'many people eat meat,' provide more concrete data or observations to support your point.
Task Achievement
You have identified key reasons for the decline of animals and plants and proposed some solutions. Yet, the solutions could be more detailed and realistic. For instance, explaining how the government can encourage vegetarianism with specific policies would make the argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by identifying reasons for the decline and proposing some solutions, which covers the key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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