IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries , the number of animals and plants is declining . Why do you think this is happening ? How can this issue be solved ?

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Nowadays , a lot of
animals
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 and plants are becoming extinct
as a result
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 of increasing population , occupying forests , climate change, building new high buildings and pollution of the
environment
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. There are many reasons why
animals
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 and plants are declining. First of all , the population are increasing day by day affecting many
people
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 . Pollution of the
environment
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influence
Change the verb form
influences
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animals
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 and flowers
for
Change preposition
apply
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therefore
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neglect
Correct subject-verb agreement
neglects
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 of
people
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. Not only new buildings are built in return for green zones but forests are
also
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 occupied by the
government
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 and
also
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government
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 building new companies there .
Thus
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for
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this
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 reason
animals
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 and plants are declining . There are many solutions
for
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this
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 reason.
First,
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many populations eat meat for sure
government
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 encourages to eat less and be vegetarian.
For instance
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, the Chinese should eat less meat from
animals
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 . If the Chinese eat less meat , many
animals
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 may be alive .
Secondly
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 , the
government
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 should say that All
people
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 must follow purity and teach following purity .If
people
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 obey these rules , the
environment
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 will be cleaner.
For example
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, it may be useful for many
people
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.
Lastly
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should think only of nature rather than money and be careful. In conclusion, I think
this
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 is happening because of , the increasing population and
this
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 could be solved by the
government
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 encouraging for eat less and be vegetarian. Pollution of the
environment
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 could be solved by the
government
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 and they say that All
people
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 must follow purity " and
also
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 the
government
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 should think that only nature rather than money .

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a general structure with an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow of ideas needs improvement. Try to create clearer and more organized paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported with relevant and specific examples. For instance, instead of general statements like 'many people eat meat,' provide more concrete data or observations to support your point.
Task Achievement
You have identified key reasons for the decline of animals and plants and proposed some solutions. Yet, the solutions could be more detailed and realistic. For instance, explaining how the government can encourage vegetarianism with specific policies would make the argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by identifying reasons for the decline and proposing some solutions, which covers the key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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