In many countries , the number of animals and plants is declining . Why do you think this is happening ? How can this issue be solved ?
Nowadays , a lot of
animals
and plants are becoming extinct as a result
of increasing population , occupying forests , climate change, building new high buildings and pollution of the environment
.
There are many reasons why animals
and plants are declining. First of all , the population are increasing day by day affecting many people
. Pollution of the environment
influence
Change the verb form
influences
animals
and flowers for
Change preposition
apply
therefore
neglect
of Correct subject-verb agreement
neglects
people
. Not only new buildings are built in return for green zones but forests are also
occupied by the government
and also
government
building new companies there . Thus
for
this
reason animals
and plants are declining .
There are many solutions for
this
reason. First,
many populations eat meat for sure government
encourages to eat less and be vegetarian. For instance
, the Chinese should eat less meat from animals
. If the Chinese eat less meat , many animals
may be alive . Secondly
, the government
should say that All people
must follow purity and teach following purity .If people
obey these rules , the environment
will be cleaner. For example
, it may be useful for many people
. Lastly
, government
should think only of nature rather than money and be careful.
In conclusion, I think Add an article
the government
this
is happening because of , the increasing population and this
could be solved by the government
encouraging for eat less and be vegetarian. Pollution of the environment
could be solved by the government
and they say that All people
must follow purity " and also
the government
should think that only nature rather than money .Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a general structure with an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow of ideas needs improvement. Try to create clearer and more organized paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported with relevant and specific examples. For instance, instead of general statements like 'many people eat meat,' provide more concrete data or observations to support your point.
Task Achievement
You have identified key reasons for the decline of animals and plants and proposed some solutions. Yet, the solutions could be more detailed and realistic. For instance, explaining how the government can encourage vegetarianism with specific policies would make the argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by identifying reasons for the decline and proposing some solutions, which covers the key points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?