IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

#countries #world #challenges #environment #population #education #country #face #ten #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
countries
Use synonyms
will be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 serious problems related to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, population,
education
Use synonyms
, etc. Because of that, all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 must try to find ways to tackle these issues. In the next 10 years,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 will have a
bonus
Use synonyms
demography
Use synonyms
 and if the country can not manage it well, it can be a problem. The government should improve the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 as a solution.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2045,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 was predicted to have a
bonus
Use synonyms
demography
Use synonyms
. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
 thing is good if the citizens have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
Use synonyms
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the current condition in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
says
Verb problem
is
show examples
 different.
For example
Linking Words
, only 25 per cent of
Indonesian
Fix the agreement mistake
Indonesians
show examples
who got
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 was dominated by
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who did not finish
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
elementary school.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can be a problem for
education
Use synonyms
 in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 for now and in the future.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, there is a way of prevention like enhancing the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a hundred years ago, Japan was facing
bonus
Use synonyms
demography
Use synonyms
. Now, the country become one of an advanced
countries
Use synonyms
 because they were giving the best of the best
education
Use synonyms
 for its
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. They know that
bonus
Use synonyms
demography
Use synonyms
 is something that they can not take
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
granted. They began with increasing the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the teachers and built many schools. Even, the
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 are so many. So, it is really something to do to make a better
education
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 around the world will be facing many problems. The way of Japan to enhancing the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there can be an example
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 should be improved.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I hope developing
cocuntries
Correct your spelling
countries
 out there can adopt
this
Linking Words
 solution.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied and advanced linking phrases. The organization of ideas is generally logical, but some areas could benefit from smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You should elaborate on certain points to create a more comprehensive and clear argument. This includes providing more detailed examples and explanations for your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples. This will show a higher level of engagement with the topic and demonstrate a strong understanding of the subject matter.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, identifying key problems and proposing relevant solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainability
  • Ecosystem
  • Renewable resources
  • Urbanization
  • Demographics
  • Healthcare system
  • Pension crisis
  • Curriculum development
  • Digital literacy
  • E-learning platforms
  • Lifelong learning
  • Public policy
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Green technology
  • Population density
  • Generational equity
  • Economic disparity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: